Forgiveness, Mercy, Grace and Reconciliation are steps to eternity...

It has taken some time to decide if this is a post I wanted to share.  It is a peek into my heart.  A summary of some life lessons over the last 30 years.  Then, there have been the recent conversations with various kiddos, discussions about what lessons can we learn from each experience, because God can use everything.  In each experience, we can choose to be bitter or better.  Then, the encouraging words from one of the few people I shared this post with, I just want to give them a glimpse of the work God has and is doing in my heart because they see me walking a hard road.  The final bit of encouragement came when discussing those lessons that can be gleaned from each experience with my kiddo(s) and God whispered in my heart that sometimes, they aren't new lessons but "drills."  Much like math drills and fire drills.  The kind that keep your skills sharp and honed. It isn't about learning the lesson so you don't have to learn it again. Our Spiritual skills need to be practiced and honed in such a way, that we develop "spiritual muscle memory".  So our first response/reaction is what Jesus would literally do, extend grace, forgiveness, patience, mercy, understanding, kindness.  So here goes...


In my quiet and prayer time as I wrestled out yet another issue with God, He whispered a memory from my adolescent/teen years. 

It was a season, I loved to read. I read anything I could get my hands on.  I especially liked Reader's Digest and Guidepost.  Fortunately, my mom was willing to renew the subscriptions for me for years.  I have no idea if she ever read them, but I did, cover to cover.  This memory God whispered was of a story of a man who forgave the murderer of his child.  Not only did he forgive the murderer, but he would eventually begin to visit the prison. He developed a relationship with the person who tore his family apart, shared the Gospel and eventually led him to Christ.  When it came to the time for his release, he was there and welcomed him into his new life as a free man and into his home.  The memory God whispered was the silent prayer in my very naïve teen heart...I want to be that kind of Christian.  A noble prayer for a young, un-experienced in life teenager.

But God didn't stop there.  Because before He started down the memory lane with me, He was reminding me of His Word.  You see there was Saul (Paul).  He was despicable.  He persecuted Christians, until God shook things up and got his attention.  Saul (Paul) who eventually led many to Christ, shared the Gospel, suffered for his faithfulness to Jesus.  He became the persecuted and counted it joy.  But there is another story that fits right in the middle of there, maybe not chronologically, but fit it does...the point where there is sinning, recognition and repentance happens.  It is the story of the Prodigal Son.  At the point when he is in the pit of his sin and God reveals to him His love, grace and mercy.  Saul (Paul) returns to his Creator (Father).  A celebration happened, and not every one was happy about it either. 

God started showing me that although the "stories" in His Word don't reveal all that was happening at that given moment, when looked together as a whole and individually, you can get a pretty good grasp of humanity from all different perspectives.  We all sin and are in the muck of it when God grabs the opportunity to get our attention, He offers us the possibility of returning HOME because working for Him is better than eating after the pigs.  He will celebrate and rejoice on our return, while some will grumble.  They might grumble because they fail to see all sin is sin...they may grumble because they have forgotten where they were once before, or maybe they don't want to remember.  Or they may grumble because they are in the season of realizing the importance of making good choices and the consequences of not doing so and their focus is so intense on these new convictions they are unable to step back and see all the different "projects" God has happening.  It is easy to not realize we are all in different stages and the lessons of life do not happen in a particular order.  As a result, sometimes others are unable to rejoice at the time.  But Saul (Paul) and the prodigal son don't allow concern for what others will do or say stop them, they listen to God and trust Him and move forward.  It is so easy to just look at one story and see the "simple" lesson revealed.  You can ask yourself am I the prodigal son?  the brother?  the father?  Am I Saul, the murderer and persecutor?  Or am I the persecuted?  How does this apply to me today?  All very good questions.  But looked at together, you see the same story being repeated from different perspectives, with different words but speaking the same message of forgiveness, mercy, grace and reconciliation.

And I consider the memory of the naïve heart that says, I hope I can be that kind of person if I ever were to find myself in a situation like "that."  Easy to think as a teenager, because that is the season of invincibility and nothing like that will truly happen.  Translated it looks like being a kind, generous, tender hearted and noble person.  To be that kind of person the father was, to have that kind of heart, means a special kind of journey.  One that is not easy.  The story makes it all look so neat and tidy.  It doesn't give a lot of background.  The story fits neatly in just a few pages, and is inspiring.  Faith like that father's is a process.  He has been in the pit with the pigs.  He knows forgiveness.  He knows what it is like to be not forgiven and to be forgiven.  He knows estrangement and reconciliation.  He also knows grief and loss.  He knows anger and the desire for life to not be so hard.  He has wrestled with the letting go and not having control.  He knows the love of His Heavenly Father and to who He belongs.  But he doesn't just know these things, these things were wrestled out with His God.  It isn't a humanly natural thing to embrace the murderer of your child. Not when you are faced with daily reminders of what will never be experienced.  Not even when you fast forward into the future and are faced with the grandchildren you will never have and all your friends are sharing the pictures and stories of theirs, and there is a twinge and longing that dares to surface.  A voice that begs to remind you of what was lost and an inner discipline that chooses to not look at what was lost but at what has been gained.  An inner discipline to choose to have an eternal perspective in the midst of a mortal life.  There was a soul searching, on your knees with God work being done process.  It didn't just happen in the days after the murder.  It was the sum of his life experiences and walk with the Lord from whenever it started.  Forgiveness, mercy, grace and reconciliation are learned through experience.  They are practiced in the little things when we recognize our own guiltiness of doing the same things.  They are stretched and strengthened through the tougher challenges and are only possible because of God and His love for us.  Then when a day comes and you are faced with what many would declare, "you are perfectly in your own right to practice some but not all four of those acts," you realize that in of yourself you can't, but in God you can.  You can release the person, the situation into God's very capable hands because He loves each and every one of His creations.  Each and everyone of His children and they were fearfully and wonderfully and uniquely made. If He could use Saul (Paul), then it isn't for me or you to say He can't use this too.  It isn't easy, but all that practice of turning it over to God is what has been training me/you for this day.  It is possible.  While many may ponder and wonder, a simple truth I learned not so terribly long ago is what I reflect on, His Grace is sufficient for each of us in the measure we need it for each circumstance.  His Grace, His Manna, He provides for each of us according to our need, each and every day.

And then God fast forwards me to the story of the father who made a hard choice.  His son and son's friend were in the sea and there was only one life preserver.  Only one could be saved.  His son, knew Jesus well.  His friend did not.  He made the choice of eternity.  His son, entered eternity with his Savior and the friend, as a result, experienced forgiveness, mercy, grace and reconciliation.

Then He reminds me of the season of nightmares.  The kind that shook this very young, at the time, momma to her knees.  Always the same theme...  Persecution at its worst in my dreams.  Prayers to God to take the dreams away.  Then asking what it is He wants me to know or learn?   In these nightmares, I face a choice.  A choice that demands I deny Christ or my child/children will be killed or tortured in front of me till I submit....the scenario always a little different.  I. Just. Can't. Deny. My. Savior.  and I always wake up at the point where I am looking in their eyes wanting them to understand why.  Why I can't save them.  Why I can't deny my Lord and Savior.  What bothered me the most was the question, do they understand why?  Do they understand I love them with all my heart, but this one thing I can not do for them?  I asked God how could I face such a horrific moment and my children not feel rejected, not cry out in anger and rage and rebellion.  How to prevent them from becoming angry and rejecting HIM themselves and not be bitter from my choice.  Then He whispered this answer: Live your life in such a way that they know.  They know you love them.  They know you love Me.  Teach them, mentor them, raise them up in Me and then you have nothing to worry about because I will take care of the rest.  Raise them up with an eternal perspective.  I work all things for good for those who love Me.  He taught me to focus on forgiveness, mercy, grace and reconciliation.  To look with an eternal perspective, knowing that God works all things together for His Glory... and in the end, that is what happens when we all gather together in eternity, we give Him the Glory. 

Learning experiences in the HARD

I have been quiet for a few weeks.   Been walking through a season and learning and leaning on my Heavenly Father.  Sometimes life is just HARD.  There is no way around it.  Sometimes not only it is HARD, but there comes a tiredness that is HARD to overcome. 

I am grateful to be blessed with a husband who allows me some time to wrestle and cry and work it through.  This year I have faced some overwhelming HARD changes in my life.  What makes it all HARD is I struggle with depression and while some seasons are easier to roll with the punches, others are not so easy. 

Earlier in the year, it became known that my momma has dementia.  She is way too young.  Her memory/mind seems to be declining more rapidly than we would like.  Growing up in a not so idyllic childhood there has been estrangement and stress in all the relationships in my family.  When my mom moved to Kansas, our relationship for the first time improved and we became a bit more like friends.  Guaranteed the first move in Kansas she was a couple of hours away, but then there was another move and she was closer.  Only 30 minutes driving.  Not really sure exactly when things started showing up and realized something was wrong, but it was shortly after the last move.  Just bizarre things.  Things I let annoy me.  Eventually it was things I allowed to hurt me.  Now I look back and I see, I see oh so much clearer.  The energy I wasted being annoyed, the energy I wasted on frustration.  I kept voicing I was concerned.  Never could put a finger on it.  The changes they happen so gradually.  Excuses are made, slip ups laughed off until no longer you can remember life being different.  Then a photo album comes out and as I flip through the pages I remember a different time.  Something is wrong....

This past month though, with a kiddo in the hospital and a call that my Granny was declining and not doing well at all and I should visit as soon as I can.  Estrangement happening again with my Dad and my Mom not being the Mom I remembered, I crumbled.  Sometimes you just want your Mommy and her hugs.  You can't always have what you want.  I had to find what was enough.  So I have been quiet here, but not so quiet with my Heavenly Father.  Remembering to praise Him for who He is and in all the ways He loves me and shows me He is there, even when deep in my heart I just want to have a pity party.  Allowing Him to collect my tears.  Putting one foot in front of the other, although sometimes it is pretty sluggish.  Trying to push through the dark clouds and trust God is with me even in the storms and it is HARD.  Cause that is what it is about TRUST when times are HARD.  During the easy times building a foundation that can whether the storms of life no matter what they bring.  Something my Mom taught me just by living day after day with the Lord for almost as long as I can remember back to.....

Suprises, a double take and a double dose in learning about Compassion

We spent the day in the car again. 
A Thursday kind of day.
A late start in the morning, Awana the night before and it takes everyone a while to wind down and share their stories of the night.
Piano lessons and back and forth from home, because not everyone has to go.
In the back and forths, running Fun Girl to work.
Back home for a quick lunch.
Then to Bal-A-Vis-X.
Then to the grocery store to get the latest ad.
My day stops here.
I am lost in my own world as I sit in the car and wait for Hockey Player to run in, grab the ad and come back to me, stopped at the curb.  He comes to the door and says, someone fell. 
I quickly recall the vague thud I heard and start looking around.
A deep intake of my breath.
A "grandpa" is down  in the parking lot and 2 ladies were helping him.
I quickly put my hazard lights on, put the burb in park and tell the kids to stay.
I see the ladies are talking to him and I run inside to tell Customer Service someone has fallen.  They quickly send the managers out.
He is a little disoriented. His face is banged up and he is bleeding quite a bit from his scrapes.
He misjudged the curb/ground and face planted.
My heart was in my throat.
He just wanted to get in his car and drive home to the next block over where he lives in Assisted/Independent Living facility.
But he is so disoriented. 
Rides are offered. A chair is offered. Paper towels.  Someone got ice.
I ask him the name of where he lives.
Blessedness that it is, I am very familiar with his residence. I have family there. I quickly call.  They send over their Director of Nursing and instruct us to call an ambulance. 
The managers do that. 
I see he is being well cared for and try to gracefully exit.
I stop at the care facility to give them a first hand account for when he returns later on...as disoriented as he is he might not be able to tell them much.  Plus to let them know he has 2 bags of refrigerated items. 
All the while grateful he is well cared for and being watched out for. 
As I return my car, I hear one of children ask why I had to get out of the car and  help?
My eye brows shot up.
Because it was the right thing to do I am thinking.
I try to say because he needed help. 
But this kiddo, is grumpy.  Wanted to be at home.  So did I.  Just didn't get it.  Which for this kiddo when this stage of self centeredness has started it is really hard to refocus. 
I ask my children if they knew the story of the Good Samaritan. 
I was shocked when my younger two said no.
NO???
I gasped and did a double take. 
My brain went into over drive. How could that be? 
We read Bible stories.  We talk Bible stuff.  We memorize verses. We go to church.  They watch Bible videos.  How? But....?
I stop the bumbling around in my brain.
I share the story as I drive. 
I ask who was a good neighbor?  why? 
Now they all have heard the story and know.
But now, it is quiet and I can think.
It is just like I share at times with friends and my oldest. Just like I had shared that morning with a friend.  God doesn't always take us down the same path as the person next to us.  He has different lessons for us at different times. We don't learn his ways over night.  Sometimes there are even some slips and falls along the way, just like when a baby learns to walk and become a toddler.  Yes, my oldest were schooled in the story of the Good Samaritan.  Now so were my youngers.  My youngers on the other hand have been learning lessons that my olders are learning just now. 
Different people, different paths, different learning curves and lessons plans created by the Master Educator.  Patience and understanding and compassion for one another, for we don't know where the Lord has taken them, is taking them or will be taking them. 

Dusty days

I was suprised last week by the sky.
I have to admit it was very unsettling to witness the dirtiness and dinginess of the skyline.
Used to clean, clear blue skies occassionally filled with fluffy clouds.

When storms are brewing, the skies are shades of gray and dark and sometimes, yellow.
It is okay because much needed moisture is on the way.

The sky this day promised nothing of the kind.

It was shades of browns and only promised dryness, dirt and thirstyness.

I caught myself wondering if this is what the Great Plains looked like during the Dust Bowl.
Gritty eyes, and the feel of dust on my skin after just a short time outside.  A short time meaning, the short distance between my vehicle and the door a couple of times because I ran a few errands.
I looked out back and saw our poor Gus.  A beautiful black fur coat was now coated in brown.  Even he was unable to escape the air and wind around us.  I didn't have the energy to let him in.  He would only shake and roll and create more cleaning.  So out he stayed, though I think a child or two may have rescued him and put him in the garage for a while. 

Yet in my sleepless nights of late, I can't help but think how much our spiritual lives can be illustrated in this one day.  My life.  In my sheltered, 25 square mile, little circle of the world I get covered by the dust of this world and bring it home.  The every day sameness, busyness and sometimes monotonous life gets to me and before long my life seems dusty, brown and dirty.  I long for something more and my focus is no longer on what is before me, I neglect the housekeeping of my heart and it gets dusty.

The dust

It gets in my eyes and affects how I see everything around me.  Instead of gratitude for my home and I see chores that just won't take of themselves.. Instead of a home filled with God's blessings, I see messes and monotony.

It makes me sneeze.  It is uncomfortable and my body tries to get rid of it.  My mind tries to reject the negative attitudes, but there is just enough lingering to..... 

Stir up my allergies. I become sick and weak in my attempts with the Lord and the simple act of breathing becomes difficult and it is work to get my focus back. 

Sometimes I need the help of medicine, a good dose of Divine intervention, to get me back on track.
 
In the meantime, my life just looks dingy and dry and thirsty. 

It is missing the crisp colors of freshness and renewal. 

Even in the dark days of adversity, a dusty spiritual life misses the promise of renewal and a thirst that is quenched.

Oh, don't let it be so...........

Post sickness cleaning

We recently had the worst bug on earth.

At least it seemed that way.

105 degree fevers, that would not come down.

Trips to ER for dehydration.

Fun Girl has a tendency to sleep too much.  Since she sleeping,

she isn't drinking.  Then she gets dehydrated.

This is the second time it has happened.

So we must be the annoying parents that won't let her sleep when she is sick.

Much cheaper than paying for ER trips and IV fluids.

It all started with THE Man.

Then starting at 2 in the morning and in shifts, children woke with

headaches,

fevers,

coughs,

body aches

and all sorts of misery.

Then mom woke with it.

Big O Daddy O came home and took care of his 4 sick children and wife.

Yep, only Dad's Bud didn't have it.

But that wasn't for long....

2 days into it, Dad's Bud joined our club.

I slept for 2 days straight.

Just as we were all starting to mend, Big O Daddy O got a milder case.

A much milder case, one that we were thankful for.

He was able to work in spite of the headache.

Work he did, since he had Guard Drill weekend.

As soon as I started feeling able

I set about disinfecting.

Bleach

Vinegar

Lysol Wipes

all became my best friend.

Since THE Man was feeling better, he was assigned door knobs and light switches.

This means he takes the Lysol wipes and wipes down:

all door knobs

all light switches

all remotes

all cell phones

refrigerator handles

dishwasher handles

All the surfaces we so casually touch in our homes.

 

I started laundry.

I originally was going to throw away all of our pillows.

We had fevered, drooled in our sleep, snotted and coughed in bed.

The thought of keeping the petri dish pillows made me cringed.

But that is a lot of pillows in a family of 7

 

Then I remembered my dad's washing machine.

 

 

oh yeah!

Not only can I do twice the laundry if I go to my dad's house.

It has this beautiful tub with no agitator.

Pillows in a washing tub with agitator come out lumpy and distorted.

Pillows in this beauty, come out just like they came from the store! 

 

 

Oh Yeah! 

Add some bleach and gone are the yellow stains!

Hello bleach and clean smell!

A couple of the pillows went bye bye.

But I was excited for the bug God planted in my head to try my Dad's washer.

I can replace pillows at a much more gradual pace than all at once!

 

Still counting...... to 325

Counting the joy found in having an iPhone.  It has become one of my favorite tools.

311.  Start blog posts spontaneously and upload pictures that will wait to be narrated.
312.  Reference emails from children with shopping lists for science lists
313.   Reminiscing over pictures in brief quiet or not so quiet moments
314.   Note taking app that eliminates paper clutter
315.  Devotional app so I an do devotions at anytime. Especially convenient when my day starts off with my feet running. My phone is always near so I can get then done in those snatches of moments when I wished I had my bible with me.
316.  Facebook app. When I have forgotten where I am going and I can just look it up off the invite.
317.  Words with friends. Getting to have fun with friends and family and pursing those relationships.
318.  Texting and emailing. For all the above reasons. But also for coupon codes and money saving opportunities. :)
319.  YNAB and how it helps us to stay on budget.
320.  Note app, for keep memory verses handy.
321.  Game apps...great entertainment tool when you need to buy yourself a few quiet minutes.
322.  Clocks...timers, alarms and stopwatch.  Love them all.
323.  Calendars
324.  Phone and contacts.
325.  Music
An awesome tool that does all this and more and fits in my hand, pocket or purse. 
So much personal clutter has disappeared! !

Exceptional........ and so much more............

We are spending a significant amount of evening time at the Y these days. 
I am not getting any workouts completed.  I often spend the time getting caught up on computer work, emails, or reading.  That is if my presence is not needed for supervising and spotting my children. 
Only one night is there swim lessons, the one time the children are being actively supervised and kept safe by a trained individual. .
And I really should walk during that time....but the last few weeks, I have secured that time to get some time pressing projects done, so bed time would not be delayed.

The other nights my presence is required.  The Man likes to rock wall climb.  Since he is the youngest and not "of age,"  I have to sit down by the wall while he climbs.  So I curl up, do a puzzle, read, shout some encouragement, watch and cheer.  I might even zone out a bit during this time.  I might even come back down to earth to listen to the chatter or excited youngsters who have climbed the next hardest or hardest section!

Tonight, I met Mr. Ben.  He was excited and impressed. 

He introduced himself and asked me if I had some time.  Yep, we'll be here for another 45 minutes. 
He was thrilled.  I am looking at him thinking, "OOooookAY?? What's up?" (Meanwhile, I am pulling The Man off the wall cause I am too distracted to spot him.  And I have been asked by one of the belayers to spot him.)

He explains, my 3 kiddos (The Man, Princess and Hockey Player) (by the way, Dad's Bud is at Cub Scouts) are EXCEPTIONAL climbers. 
(DUH!! They climb everything, appliances, walls, doorframes, trees, rock walls, boulders, buildings, the gym wall at church)

He tells me again, "They are exceptional climbers."  (Again, telling me this as I pull The Man off the wall yet again!)

Oh boy, I am in for it now. 

"They naturally know how to climb." (Pulling The Man off the wall again ~ Really, he naturally knows how to climb and can't help himself!)

Yep, I know that.  The Man fell 8 feet last year and broke an arm.  The Man was climbing the front of my refrigerator when he was 2.  If I can't find my children when I look out the door, I look in the trees.  I have had to ask them (threaten them) to not climb my door frames or walls unless they were willing to clean them. 

Mr. Ben, "Can I work with them? Teach them some things?"
He teaches classes and he could give them drills and instructions and things to work on.  They can learn in 30 minutes in what he usually teaches over a course of 4 weeks. 

OOooooKAaaay.
I am thinking, great what are they going to climb at home now?  AND GREAT! I don't have to pay for classes!

Then it comes.  Footwear.  If they have the right kind of footwear they would do AMAZING things when they climbed.  Oh boy.  Here it comes, they are listening.  Their eyes are sparkling.  Their ears are perked and they are listening and hanging onto every word Mr. Ben has to say!

And I listen to.  I ask questions. 

And now, I am researching climbing shoes.  Would you know, I can find very little down to earth suggestions and options and ideas from experienced moms in this area! ! ? ? ! !  
Frustrating. 
I have looked at the climbing shoes!  ! YowZer!!!  They want as much for a pair of STRICTLY Climbing ONLY shoes as I pay for a pay of my athletic/tennis shoes!!! 

These kids have growing feet. 

So I have been on Ebay.  It is not much better there! ! ! 

Where are all the children that climb!  Where are their mothers and shoes and advice????

For the first time ever, Princess is interested.  She heard there was a climbing team.  Her eyes got all sparkly, her head whipped so fast around, I thought it was spinning on an axis.  She is excited.  She is all interested, like crocheting and knitting interested.  I watched her work with Mr. Ben and saw her body splayed out across the rock wall.  Legs stretched as far apart across the side of the wall, fingers poked into little holes and she suspended in the air there, clinging to this rock.  Satisfaction, confidence and delight written over her contenance.  Strength!

A little while later, I hear Hockey Player ask if she wants to practice with him what they have learned.  Off they go.  The Man not far behind.  He doesn't see it as practice.  It is just play.  He climbs and climbs. NO fear, no second thoughts, he just goes. 

I am thinking....shoes.
Praying, please no injuries, no broken bones, no falls. 
Pleading Lord, please limit their interest to the indoors.  Please shield this Momma from thrill seeking outdoor rock climbers.  Please no ERs.

Oh NO!  We have a trip planned to Colorado Springs.  We are going to the Garden of the Gods.  Visions from my youth of climbers on the rocks in the Garden of the Gods flash through my mind.  Help me, my trip is going to involve tethering children to the ground. 

Deep breath, exhale, another deep breath, exhale. 

Wait and Pray. 

Borrow the Y shoes for now. 

Exceptional....

For my children are fearfully and wonderfully made.  Knitted together by the Creator, by the One who has a Plan and Purpose for each of them.  Each one is unique and different and set apart from the others.  All from the same parents.  All from the same Creator and yet so vastly and uniquely different.  Exceptional not only in the eyes of those who love them, but Exceptional in the eyes of the One who Created them for His Plan and His Purpose. 
Lord give me wisdom, strength and ENERGY as I parent them for you.  Reveal to them this Plan and Purpose You have created them for.  Help me to stay out of the way, to support You Lord in Your Plans and Purposes for each of them and to enjoy each day as they discover who You have created them to be. 
Continue to bless me with a sense of humor and the ability to laugh.
Amen.

Wrapping up Week Four...

So we have been back at school about a month now and it hits, the feelings of inadequacy. I don't know if we have made it further into this year than years past or if it is coming sooner than normal. But come it does. When life collides into the homeschooling/family schedule and routine. In years past, a new baby, a sick baby, a sick momma, an ailing grandma, a business trip that we jump in the car and tagalong, a toddler that so quickly grows into new abilities (the kind you can't ever take your eyes off and you feel like your job is clean up after a demolition ball), whatever it is, it happens. It feels like the schedule is thrown out the window. This time it is the hubby. What he did to his back, we have no idea. But he did it. I have been living like he is on a business trip now for 3 weeks. Coaxing myself along. Coaxing the children along. Routine has gone out the window this week cause Momma is tired. She sleeps through the alarms...believe me there are quite a few of them in the household. The noisiest being Flutter Nutter. She struggles to stay awake at 6:00 p.m. Pepsi is the kids' new friend. They ration it out to the Momma...too much makes a grumpy momma. Maybe that is what happened this morning/afternoon. I drank a whole one by 10 am.
The feelings of inadequacy take over along with the ifs. If the children would go to bed easier... if I hadn't overslept... if Flutter Nutter wasn't 4.... if you would only do what I said the first time.... Why can't I seem to conform these children into the perfect picture of homeschooling children? The kind who are awake early and cheerfully. The kind who sit quietly and still with ears and eyes open and mouths closed while the momma reads aloud. I have showed them the pictures. I have told them what I want them to do. I have the routine mapped out, charts, graphs, the whole nine yards. (Well not this year, so much...I kinda learned and gave up 99% of the whole chart/graph business). So why is it they are acting like normal children? Why is it they only have questions when the other 4 have questions or need me? It is like being a press conference and all the reporters are speaking at once asking their questions. Don't they realize mom ears really don't work that way? We HEAR things...but we don't make sense of cacophony. A friend once said being a mother is sometimes like being pecked to death by chickens. That sums up this week. Horrible picture isn't it. But just the incessant mom, mom,mom, no, mine, no this, that, leave me a lone..... moooooom, mom, MOM MOM MOM.
Children they are, chickens they aren't, that is a wonderful and beautiful thing. God humbles me and brings me to my knees, because I so want to model for them Jesus' love and grace.
Routines, shmutines, life happens.... He reminds me once again, my days are His days. Blessedly, my children are quick to forgive me when I lose it. They are quick to hug this momma who seems to not be able to hold it together when her routine is disrupted and she has forgotten WHO is in charge around here. My Heavenly Father reminds me plans are good, but He gets to reschedule them as He sees fit. He keeps me dependent on Him, less I get to full of myself, my routines and order. He afterall sees the BIG picture and knows the plans He has for us....

But I am ever so grateful He humored me for the first 3 weeks and let things go according to "plan". I do so like those harmonious, "perfect" homeschooling days. Off to go see what else needs to be conquered or restored after being destroyed and to hug my kiddos.