My Teenager Theory

I have this theory.  I have, even in a brief embarrassing moment for my daughter, spoke to another teenager about my theory at an athletic event in Oklahoma.  Amazing what conversations can be had in a hotel elevator.  He nodded his head and agreed I had a point.
What is this theory?
Take your teenager's age and subtract ten.  That is their true age.  You just thought when you made it through the 2s and 3s life was going to get better.  Think crazed psycho laughter coming from me. 
NOPE!!!
The joys of 5 children in 10 years.  When my first was thirteen the last was 3.  I saw first hand one day when they both CHOSE to have a tantrum within minutes of each other.  Now I must say my oldest and youngest have a lot of similarities in their personalities.  That was my aha moment.  5 years later it has been observed by this Momma to be true more than not!
Today my 14 year old gave me flash backs to his younger years.  Gave him a job, took a shower and came back and it wasn't done.  Deer in the head lights look.  You meant now??  (or rather then?)  Now he did apply some critical thinking but his critical thinking led him straight back to the same choices he made when he was 4.  Look charming and absent of his mind!  I watch my younger two closely... 8 and 10.  I. IN. FOR. IT!!!
Today the 8 year old is crying because I set a timer for a handful of problems to be done in 30 minutes.  He would rather do the soccer homework for his coach on You Tube.  Yeah, whatever.  While he cries, he announces..."My head hurts!"  "There is no way I can do this!"  and the clincher, "I Hate my life!!!"  To which the almost 18 year old giggles and says, "I hate mine too." 
The 8 year old asks, "Why, because you are short?" 
The almost 18 year old, "NO, because, I am almost 18 and have to pay bills and work!" 
The almost 18 year old at some point also rolled her eyes an sighed..."The drama!!"
Yeah exactly!
So all you moms of youngers....I am warning it, enjoy them as they are cause they are who they are and are and they only get older... the drama gets more dramatic, the tantrums only get bigger and cluelessness loses some of its charm. 
We won't even discuss the prayers I say regarding the 10 year old.... He has his own set of quirks...like books belong in the closet and clothes belong on the bookshelf.  Beds are not for sleeping in...
I DON"T EVEN TRY TO IMAGINE WHAT HE WILL THINK WHEN HE IS A TEENAGER!!!
At least, I get a good laugh now and then. 
Lest you think it is all bad, it isn't.  They reach a certain wonderfulness between 9 and 12...They are helpful and capable and sometimes want to learn new things around the house.  Then they regress....A LOT!.  While they may act like the youngest you once knew ten years ago, you can have more intelligent conversations with them...just not when they have relapsed 10 years for whatever hormonal or emotional reason at the moment.  Deep breathes.  LAUGH!! it helps, just not when they are in their moment...run hide in the closet and laugh like a crazy person!

Sleep Study Results are In....

This has been a journey in of itself. 
Starting late last Spring/early Summer. 
We were looking into some oral therapy for one of our kiddos.  Mild speech issues no one has been able to figure out a cause for, but as this child has matured learning to compensate and overcome.  As we were setting up an evaluation it was suggested we have the whole family evaluated.  Often issues are congenital and multiple family members have issues.  The therapy cause correct issues before they become issues later in life.  Worth looking into.
What we weren't expecting was concern regarding another child's palate.  We were aware of the issues, but no one had suggested anything else.  The quirks in his behavior we dealt with, thinking it was just the way this child was created.  Such as this child doesn't like to sleep in bed, always sleeps in recliner and/or couch.  Frankly, I don't care where my children sleep as long as they sleep these days.  Life is busy and some things I just don't have the energy to argue about.  Even if this child starts in bed, always ends up on the couch, either due to sleep walking or just waking up and wandering there after a bathroom trip. 


Next stop was the doctor to check adenoids and tonsils.  Nothing remarkable, so a sleep study was requested.  We were put on a wait list and I received a call just before Christmas for after New Years.  After our initial appointment, the PA agreed our kiddo was borderline and would benefit for a sleep study to either confirm/diagnose an issue or it was behavioral and we would decide what to do regarding behaviors. 
Best part was there was a cancellation and we were asked if we could return later in the week for the sleep study. As we hadn't been able to restart school, I said sure. 
I wish I could post pictures of all the wires.  While I was allowed to take pictures for Dad I was forbidden to share them with anyone else including siblings.  Which is why I also am being very careful to not suggest which child went with me to KC to the Children's hospital.  While there is noting to embarrassed about, I am trying to respect wishes here.  So if you do know who I am speaking of please, request my child's desire for privacy.  I am posting results only because so many have been praying and asking. 


So the results:
Airway is clear! No apnea!  No issues with orthodontics that need to be done. Wahoo!!
Diagnosis:  Periodic Limb Movement Disorder which causes brain arousal during sleep and causes low levels of dopamine in the brain. 
In our case, the disorder is being caused by iron deficiency.  Which also means there is a ferritin deficiency.  Since this child is a carnivore I asked what could be lacking in the diet to prevent iron absorption.  Vitamin C.  Said child does not care for produce!!  Lesson is being learned that Mom's balanced meals are meant to allow for maximum nutrition.  Each food is reliant on another food for maximum nutrition and health.  While this child consumes produce, it is not varied enough.  Understanding that athletic performance and overall feeling well and happy is dependent on diet, there is a willingness to try and eat more variety, albeit reluctantly.  We will need occasional blood tests as a result of the iron supplements, but in time we should hopefully be able to discontinue the supplements and just eat healthy!  Praising the Lord! 
We also discovered the child is lingering too long deep 3 sleep.  An indicator of not getting enough sleep on a regular basis.  Wiggling around in bed, procrastinating, asking all those late night questions.  You get the idea, all the stuff that drives a parent nuts when they just want their children TO GO TO BED!!! 
Well now, the child has heard it all from the doc!  Sleep and eat your veggies!! Amazing how much more validity there is to the mantra when it isn't the parent saying it!!

Water, wood and brass

Whoops!  I thought I hit post a couple of weeks ago.  But nope, it went into drafts.  My bad.

But anyhow, here it is.

As I was wrapping up my day, I found my heart overflowing with gratitude for the simple things as I walked through the going to bed process.  A running diffuser with RC and Thieves for two boys dangling on the edge of sickness.  Praying for a quick return to feeling 100%.  the same diffuser that ran all night and day providing relief to Daddy O.

A new wooden door, unfinished, but hung and offering long awaited privacy for two boys.  Offering relief to a Mom and two sisters who worry about intruding on Big brother, especially.  A door that took Daddy O a chunk of his day off to acquire and install.  Resulting in a relapse of illness and a missed night of work. Thankful for his efforts and acts of service to his family.

Brass..new door knob and sense of security.  The day before we left town Little Princess' door knob broke in bits and had to be removed because the door was "locked" shut and there was a kitty crying inside.  This door knob signifies the sanctuary from annoying little brothers on the other side. (Note all the marks around the door knob, I wonder how many were from pestering little brothers.). When Daddy O said he was on his way to get a door knob, "please one with a lock?!?!?!" she asked.  

I didn't join in on the count the things you are grateful for through the month of November, because it is a habit I try to maintain all year long.  From beautiful red sunsets to door knobs there is so much that God provides and we only need to recognize His provision.  I pray, I will always be seeking ways to give Him thanks and see His presence in my life working masterfully demonstrating His love for me. 

A word well spoken

I love home schooling.  I love the mornings and listening to the various exchanges between my children as the day begins.  I never know what I will wake to, a hungry cat, a dog digging in the trash, a ball crashing through the house, the beep beep of a video game, or the serenades of my youngest favorite song of the morning.  Sometimes, I wake to find lots of school work being done.  However, I often wake up to some kind of ruckus, a skirmish of sorts filled with laughter or run and hide I have antagonized a sleepy bear like brother and he is going to get me kind of skirmish. 

This past week, I have been left pondering the exchange between two of my children.  Left in awe of the maturity and wisdom in the response of one child.  Pondering how do I respond and where did this child of mine learn a response such as this?  I am realizing my children are growing up and my role is changing.
You ask what did my child say?

As I was peeking out from the covers debating whether I wanted to leave their warmth, I hear pounding on a bathroom door.  "You have been in there 20-25 minutes, I need the shower."  I am prepared for bathroom drama.  Muffled noises, I can only imagine the response as I know the name of the child on the other side of the door.  And then the response, "The past doesn't matter (as when I showered last), I need to take a shower and I would appreciate you respecting that."  Not said with attitude.  Not said with sass or anger.  Said matter of fact and respectfully.

At that moment I was so proud of this child and relayed that information.  No arguing.  No hurt feelings.  Just to the point. 

Shortly after the door opened.  No bickering, drama, door slamming or hatefulness.  Just stepping aside and offering the respect and bathroom as requested.  A word well spoken, a soft word and where wrath could of reigned it was turned away.  Without knowing it, these 2 children have left their Momma pondering and reflecting on the choices they have made.  I am humbled by the maturity and growth they are both demonstrating.  As I remember the impatience and frustration I often exhibit, I am grateful to see they don't always follow their Momma's example. 

Why I don't blog....

My eldest has been giving me grief.  She likes to read my blog.  Which leaves me just a little bit puzzled.  I mean she lives here.  She knows what is going on.  So why does she need to catch up on our lives???
She reminds me gently I haven't posted in a while.  She tells me I need to finish posting about our vacation. 
I just look at her and wonder where she came from???
She even offers to paint my toes or do dishes so I will sit down and blog. 
I still don't get it.

Here is why I haven't blogged in no particular order:
Since July 1

We have had baseball
We have had summer volleyball
I have had memory therapy...yeah that went really well till I actually forgot an appointment.  That would have made a great post!
I had a child in Lego robotics...1/2 hour drive one way.
A child golfing weekly till mid July
summer dentist appointments
orthodontist appointments...put child #4 in braces
Throw in some physical therapy for the eldest cause she is a klutz when running late for work.
Church garage sale that ate up 30 hours of my life in one week...fun yes, but still that is a lot of hours for a crazed stay at home who rarely stays home.
My helpful eldest who shares driving responsibilities went away to Kids Camp the first week of July.  That really didn't help much.
Fall Volleyball started
Fall soccer started
College research started....
College enrollment worked on cause she is a senior and she can take 2 classes a semester this year.
Dog started having weird symptoms, talked to vet.  They think he is in the early stages of Doggie dementia.  Like I really needed that in my life. But he has these eyes and ears and well what are you going to do?
Cats that catch baby bunnies, birds, snakes, frogs and mice and create all sorts of a ruckus as a result. 
In other words, the animals can derail a day as much as the children can.
We started school last week.  What was I thinking????
I lost 2 sets of middle school curriculum.  Science and English.
Ordered replacements and found it all a week later.
But hey, the storage room is cleaned.
I cleaned Fun Girl's room for 6 hours and made $50.  Yep, I charged her for cleaning her room.
Also, accumulated a pile of clothes to put on EBay.
Sorted Boys clothes, another huge mountain of clothes for EBay. 
Sorted through Hockey gear and soccer gear...more EBay
Took about a thousand pictures for EBay.  It is easy to do.  Then I edited and deleted some.
Created High School transcripts.
Working on scheduling a college visit before sports have us out of town most of our fall/winter.
Planning a get away with Little Princess
First Aid on 2nd degree sunburns on kiddos this summer....4 times.  You would think we would get a handle on that.
And Memory therapy/Brain therapy is E x H a Us Ti NG !!! Like taking the ACT exhausting.  Requiring naps.  Anything that challenges my brain...that isn't saying much....almost requires an early bed time or nap.
I re-learned my Math Facts!!! 8s, 9s and up
Learning to work math faster.  Accepting I need to write most problems down now if I don't have a calculator.
Making lists everywhere cause well that is how my brain rolls these days.  Memory therapy helped a lot.  But I am "high functioning" so there isn't much they can do to help me.  Time and working on it and maybe I will get it all back, maybe not.  At least, I am high functioning...  I try to be grateful for that when the frustration builds about not being like I once was.
Trying to put the house back in some kind of order after this past winter and spring.
Sleep blessed sleep...which is where I am heading now. 
Life can be Hard.  Life is Full.  Life is Good. 
I am hoping soon, very soon, I can sit at the computer and do some more blogging.  Fun blogging. 
With pictures maybe.
But for you my dear Fun Girl, my latest update.  :)

Easter 2013 ~

We did Easter a bit different this year. 

Hubby and I talked to the Easter Bunny and asked for something a bit different~

Baskets! 

 

Normally, there is a chocolate bunny and jelly beans on the table for each kiddo..

 

The Easter Bunny always comes while we are at church.

 

Starting when we had just one wee one,

Easter Bunny would always leave spring/summer fun behind

instead of candy.

Sidewalk chalk

Bubbles

Water balloons

Pool toys

 

He decided to fill baskets/buckets for the kids.

He respected my desire for just a "little" candy.

 

Each bucket had favorite snacks...

Cheez-its,
Pringles,
personal favorite sweets
Oreos,

the required Chocolate Bunny,
a couple of the kiddos received sidewalk chalk tattoos,

and they all received
Water Balloons!


 

Now I know only 4 children are pictured. 

 And if you are a very observant aunt, this might bother you...

Hockey Player was not left out.

He was working at the church nursery this Sunday while we were at home getting ready

for the big day with Hubby's family. 

We picked him up and joined the family celebration and protected his bucket till we could

present it to him.

 

Laundry woes!

A couple of weeks ago I had to stop using my essential oils...another story in of itself. They were helping. I was speaking and starting to function more normal. Then it was time for my neurological testing and they wanted a base line of me not on the oils. So half the testing was done, and the snow arrived. The second half of testing was canceled and my washing machine died. We do a lot of laundry but for some reason snow play generates more laundry.

Maybe it is because The Man feels it is necessary to wear 5 pairs of socks and 3 pairs of pants to go play outside.
Maybe it is because the kids come in after an hour, strip down and change clothes so they can warm up...just to repeat the process before the first set of clothes have dried.



It is after all snow. Slightly frozen water. Dry them and wear them again..,, unless of course they are left on the floor to be trumped on by dirty shoes and dog paws.".



So on a good day, when I was feeling productive, I stopped in at the library to read the consumer report recommendations for washing machines and dryers. I took pictures of the charts and paragraphs I wanted to read to hubby with my I Phone and headed home to do further research.

Disgusted, I am with the current state of washing machine business.

I am to only expect a washing machine to last 5-10 years. 6-8 years is most realistic.

The repair guy who diagnosed our current washer informed us that retailers are price fixing machines forcing manufacturers to cut corners and quality.

I wish I had invested the money in our first Maytag to have it repaired. It was a sturdy solid machine. But I was lured away with the promise of a bigger tub, more efficient spinning. Our latest machine is just under 8 years old. Its first demise was less than two years ago and under extended warranty. The motor died. This time the motor died and I did not catch things in time and water got into the electronics and fried them.

Why on earth do the manufacturers think electronics and water go together?
Why create something that when the motor dies during the spin cycle it send water into the control panel?

Stupid. I know I used the S-word.  But really???!!!??? !!!

I have read all sort of reviews...electronics problems....mold and mildew....have to clean the washing machine on a regular basis.... Wash the washing machine? Really? Like I don't have enough to do already?

So we bought this beauty.  She arrives tomorrow!

I helped my dad pick her out a couple of years ago.
No electronics.
Easy to load and empty.
I have used it through both times my washer has died. No issues. And best part, doesn't cost $1000.
No frills.
The only thing I don't know is longevity.
But the whole process of washing clothes is simplified for my kids in training.
By the weekend the laundry should be whipped back into shape....maybe!

Duck, Duck, Goose....and many blessings around

Still Counting the things that bring me joy and gifts from God.  In January, the kitchen at church was being cleaned out.  A whole bunch of expired bread was going to be thrown out.  I knew I had a busy day the next day with some lag time in between appointments, but not enough time to do anything productive.  I volunteered to share the bread with the local birds.  I have a favorite spot at Sedgwick County Park on the north end, it is full of these ladies and gentlemen.  One of my favorite things to do with the kids over the years.  Haven't done it for several years. The weather was beautiful.  Something therapeutic about being outside and watching and experiencing God's creation.  Thank you GB for sharing the bread with us.  We had a great time. 
1067.

 

Hockey Player preferred his spot in the van. 

Dad's Bud found a quiet spot to himself and the birds.

Thanksgiving morning!

Jumping back into time a bit further than usual.  First batch of carmel rolls with pecans in 6 years. 
They were heaven.  So Thankful, tree nuts are not an issue for THE MAN.  He does not eat them.  But so far, we are able to consume them and not cause an issue for him.  That was our goal for having him tested for individual nuts.  Make life a bit easier on the rest of us.  I sometimes need a quick protein snack and a handful nuts are just an easy go to snack.  Not something I typically due with a peanut allergic kid around....but having an option is always nice. 

Cooking Lessons and Trades

I have been out of commission for almost 2 months now.  Though to be honest I have not done a whole lot of cooking for over a year now.  Thanks to hubby's job and the shifts he works....well I tend to teach school and work on any number of things around here (at least till the car accident) and someone else takes on the job of food prep.  One of the tasks that would normally fall on me, but can be delegated else where.  I had to let go of somethings, and well I was comfortable with this one.  I prayed for husband that could cook.  I got one!  I also got a husband that has the patience of saint in the kitchen and he doesn't get flustered by kids and he teaches them well.  Lately, my older two are proficient in the kitchen and I teach by giving them verbal instructions or an older shows a younger. 

This particular day we needed a chicken cooked.  Fun Girl just grosses out over whole chickens.  I do remember being a teenager girl and freaking out about them as well.  Except, my dad wanted me to chop it up and fry it.  That went over like a ton of bricks much to my Dad's frustration.  My kids have it easy.  Just rinse the bird out, make sure nothing is inside, put it in the cookware.

Well the commotion in the kitchen was absolutely crazy.  Fun Girl is offering to clean the kitchen.  (She despises this chore, only slightly less than laundry!)  Will Hockey Player please prep the chicken??  He doesn't know how.  Fun Girl offers to tell him what to do, standing over his shoulder she gives instructions.  Little Princess runs for my phone to take pictures.  There were like 20 plus pictures on my phone when all was done and over. 

 

Dinner was perfect!

Favorite Things....Whole Chickens

Thanks to my sister early on in my mothering years, I discovered whole chickens.

Can't say I started cooking them right away.

I think I waited till child number 3 was a year or two old.

Before that, well, I had all the time in the world.

I just didn't know it!

Why do I love whole chickens??

They are super versatile.

Put in the oven at 350 for a couple of hours.

Put in the crock pot all day.

Put in a pot and boil on top of the stove.

 

All are ways to cook and forget about for a time.

 

You can pick the/carve the meat and serve as part of your meal.

You can use for making enchiladas.

You can use for making soup.

The possibilities are endless.

Depending on the size of your family, you can get 2 to 3 (or more) meals out of one whole chicken.

You can even freeze it, just like you would turkey and use it later.

The great part is, you can start the cooking, leave it and go about your day.

Talk about multi-tasking.

I like these menu plan ideas.

 

We often have a meal with it.

The leftovers are made into a soup.

If I am industrious enough, I will use the juices/broth for the soup.

Just depends on my time and energy for the day. 

Now a days, I am lucky to have enough for soup later.

 

It is the most economical way to have chicken for dinner in my family!

Sibling Sweetness Melts My Heart

One particular day, I entered my living room on two different occassions.  I found THE MAN with his sister(s). 
1065.   School for her + WebKinz for him

1066.  Itouch game together.

Out of the running for Mother of the Year!

Super Bowl Sunday, I lost any chance of winning the title. 
I went from being aghast and shocked and laughing out of pure shock to grieved and shedding a few tears. 
Again with the whole head injury thing.   I am beyond being able to make decisions. I defer all decisions to hubby. 

Fun Girl asked to have friends over for Super Bowl.  I didn't grasp all the details till the day before and day of...10+ girls invited!  It was all on Fun Girl to do what needed to be done.  The guys went to my in-laws.  Well, all except Hockey Player.  I took him to hang with the 7/8th graders from church.  Little Princess stayed with us at the house and had her own friends over.

Somewhere along the way, I understood the game ended at 9.  Hubby would be home and pick up Hockey Player and all would be good.  I can't keep up with departure times and such to get Fun Girl to work on time much less navigate all the stuff that gets thrown at me during the day.  I have turned into a one thing a day kind of gal.  Get to thinking about too many things, my head hurts, I get tired, I get really tired. 

So back to the party.  My job besides chaperone, is to work on my clutter mess while every one is doing their thing.  I do my job well.  I reduce my mountain by about half.  A beautiful aesthetic improvement to the room.  Hubby comes home. Do you notice?? Do you notice???  Compliments. Winding down.  Chidlren sent to bed.  I am thinking I might just go to bed and how sleepy I am starting to get.  Then the hubby asks me, "Where's Hockey Player?" 

I don't know.  Hubby looks at me really hard. 

Talking about an hour and a half after Hockey Player's party ended.  The kid didn't even call me.  Hubby looked like he was going to blow out of frustration.  He needed sleep.  He needed to go to work.  Called the parents hosting....I made record time to the house.  Stuttered and stammered and slurred through my apologies...

Why didn't HOckey Player call?  Well, one of his friends had just left 30 minutes prior.  He knew we would come.  Just figured we had to wait till all the kids had left our house.  The parents...well they knew what Super Bowl night can be like with a bunch of kids that can't drive.  Figured we were up to our eyeballs in the chauffeur business.    Nope, just brain damaged and forgot one.  I am so glad I had not climbed under the covers yet.  The only thing that could make this story worse. 

Hockey Player totally unphased.  He didn't even remember this was the second time Dad and I had miscommunicated and left him waiting.  He really is too quiet of a kid... he needs to become more of a pest and NOISY...  I feel like pond scum.  I love that boy way to much to forget him.  I am glad I didn't wake to a phone call wondering if all was okay and if we wanted our son back ?!?

Picking up where I left off....

I don't know where to begin.  One of the reasons why I have been silent.  I don't know even how to categorize all the feelings, thoughts and ramblings that occur in my mind.  I went to Colorado with my Mom and Henry.  My sister had done the initial nursing home hunt with her husband.  They narrowed down the options.  God went before us in all of this, making the process easier.  Easier because He narrowed the options down for us.  Easier because He made choice clear.  Easier because there wasn't a lot required of us.  The work in of itself was easy.  For that I am so very grateful and humbled that He made the work easy. 

Because the otherside of it was not and is not easy. 

Alzheimer's is not easy.  At any age it is not easy.  But at 64 years of age in a woman with the heart of a 20 year old (according to the doctors), it seems unreal and not fair.  I know, I know life is not fair.  In my household we have been dealing with dementia/Alzheimer's for awhile now.  There is humor to be found in the midst.  Joy that can be hung onto.  Dancing with Grandpa in a congo line while he does therapy.  Encouraging Great Granny to cooperate with the presence of great-grandchildren and brownies.  Watching movies and listening to stories....some so out there you know they are a tale as wild as can be imagined.  In the midst of it all, there is tenderness, love and compassion.  While we have traveled this road for several years, it has not been as shocking to our emotions and beings when we consider their age.  This path with my Mom is another altogether. 

I find myself needing to tell people she is ONLY 64.  She doesn't even quite fit in with the nursing home crowd.  She is too young.  Matter of fact, she sauntered off her "floor" in the first week, she followed someone out.  She had just had her hair done and was looking good and out she went and the alarms went off.  Oh my, I chuckled when I heard.  What else could I do?  Yes, she is a Great-Grandma, but she is young!  She walks me into the ground.  64!  That is 25 years from now for me.  My youngest kiddo would be 32. 

Her decline has been so rapid.  In some ways I think, wow! What a blessing....so as to not languish in this disease process.  While on the other hand, it is happening so quickly, I can't quite catch my breath.  I want to say stop! slow down!  Just a little bit more time.  Yet I know what is coming, I have watched this process for a while now.  I have talked with Hospice nurses, doctors, home health aides, etc. etc.  It is hard.  Beyond hard.

This past month I said Good-bye.  I have been grieving and struggling since summer.  But with moving Mom to Colorado to the nursing home, I knew in my heart it was good-bye.  I have locked in my heart each tender moment I could have with her.  Even curling up next to her laying my head on her shoulder while we watched a movie together. Doing my best to pack suprises for her and noting her joy upon discovering them.  Trying to include her in purchases for her new home and capturing her in hugs in Wal-Mart when she tried to "run away".  (btw Wal-mart is not the best place to take someone with Alzheimers.....can you say OVERWHELMING!).

I am ever so grateful for the past 5 years (I think) they have lived here in Kansas.   I moved to Kansas some 20+ years ago and am blessed to have had these past 5 years with my mom closer to me physically and relationally.  It breaks my heart to know this was good-bye.  I know there will be visits, but she will more than likely no longer know me.  The longer between visits, the less familiar a person is and her memories of me were already slipping.  I am already experiencing her absence...as I struggle with my health and major decisions, she was often the one I would turn to for prayers and support.  As her grandchildren struggled or were injured or sick, I would call for prayers.  When I found myself standing before a Goliath, she quietly stood/sat beside me and held my hand and I knew she was praying.  I  find myself hurting and struggling and I can't call my Mom anymore for her to join me in prayers.  We no longer are able to share verses being memorized and studied.   The tears come.  In the midst of the grief, I am grateful for this legacy.  I am grateful for the example she has set, the lessons she lived and taught, and for the example she is demonstrating as she clings to the habit of reading her Bible daily and listening to praise music... I just wish we had had more time.

An update...

It is late...
My mind is a whirling.
Fun Girl, "don't want to be a pest...but you haven't updated your blog in a while."
Me, "I don't know what to write.  Life is tough right now.  I cry a lot"
I just viewed my last post posted.
It was the afternoon before the car accident.
Life was great that day.  Blogging and computer stuff done.  Kiddo at a Christmas party, looking to what all needed to be done for the holidays.  On our way to work Bingo to pay for Hockey Player's hockey and life came to a halting stop at the red light. 

We were stopped.  The kid admitted to being distracted.  He stopped only after crashing into us.  Things could have been so much worse.  That they weren't I am grateful.  I was stunned, dazed and, well, just going with the flow.  I didn't feel right but stayed quiet.  We went on to Bingo.  My leg went numb, got heavy and eventually I sat down and helped with paper work.  The next morning, I was dizzy and weak... Eventually I was in the ER.  A concussion. 

A week later in the ER again.  Post-concussive syndrome. 

It is not good to sit in the car sideways.  I was sitting at an angle so I could face Hubby while he drove and we talked.  Instead of a front to back concussion, I was hit from the side.  Bummer.  Brain doesn't like that too much.  I slept a lot for the 2 weeks after the accident.  There is a lot I don't remember from about Thanksgiving till now.  Pictures help.  Talking helps.  Sometimes looking at the calendar.  But for the most part, the memories are mostly gone.  But I know my kiddos have been gems.  They have loved on me and taken care of me. 

A week after the accident, the call came.  Granny was gone.  There was to be no services or viewing.  She was gone.  I slept a lot.  The kids and I still have yet to fully process she is gone.  It is just a big silence in our life.  None of us really know how to talk about it. 

In the meantime, my mom is declining in leaps.  Agitated and confused.  She doesn't always recognize us, or she does and doesn't know why we are familiar. The year ends and a new one begins.  We find ourselves saying good-bye and grieving.  Mom will be moving soon.  She wanders now and doesn't know us a good amount of the time.  They will move to Colorado, there are more siblings/kids there to help out and support.  More than just me.  Colorado is home to my parents.  Where they want to be.  I know with this move, we are saying good-bye.  Visits will be farther and fewer.  Her memories of us will slip faster with our absence.

And I sleep a lot.  I have aggravated my concussion a couple of times.  I can't be silly and shake my head at the kids.  It hurts.  Accupuncture helps a lot with the pain.  But it is not long lasting.  More follow up with the doctors to happen.  Hoping for the doctor okay to travel to Colorado with my mom.  There is a concern about the change in altitude and pressure on my brain.  I have an extra motivation in going...I want to see my preggy niece.  My first grand-neice on my side of the family.  I love being an auntie and look forward to changing my title to GREAT Aunt!  She is due soon.  I can't remember the due date.  If it wouldn't be too soon, it would be cool if she popped out to see me while in Colorado.  Wouldn't that be lovely....snuggles with a super sweet wee new born.  Ahhh!
I keep telling Hubby I need a baby girl of my own.  The kids think my concussion is even worse than the doctors have said.

School planning needs to be done.  Hoping between naps and appointments this week, I will accomplish this one GREAT BIG task. 

Happy birthday...to THe Man

Squished between Thanksgiving and St. Nicholas Day we get to celebrate the delightful Man's birthday!  He brings such joy to our lives.  From the time he was a baby his smile has been infectious and just pulled you in to his heart. 
This year I decided to surprise him with a Ninja (Ninjago Lego) cake.  But that wasn't enough in his words.  Gotta have a cake with all the ninjagos.  Well I told him, "I am not Cake Boss" 
As God does when I most frustrated and trying to think of how to make 5 mini versions of the cake I was planning....God reminds me of cupcakes!!! 
So for our immediate family we had these. ;)  We shared with the wait staff at Olive Garden. His pick and one of his favorite restaurants.   The following Sunday, we had the masterpiece creation.  Unfortunately, the men were so impatient to cut into the cake, not a decent picture is had.  :(  MEN and their stomaches. 

He is definitely cool beyond his years as he rocks the angry birds hat and gloves his big sis got him.

 

 

Learning experiences in the HARD

I have been quiet for a few weeks.   Been walking through a season and learning and leaning on my Heavenly Father.  Sometimes life is just HARD.  There is no way around it.  Sometimes not only it is HARD, but there comes a tiredness that is HARD to overcome. 

I am grateful to be blessed with a husband who allows me some time to wrestle and cry and work it through.  This year I have faced some overwhelming HARD changes in my life.  What makes it all HARD is I struggle with depression and while some seasons are easier to roll with the punches, others are not so easy. 

Earlier in the year, it became known that my momma has dementia.  She is way too young.  Her memory/mind seems to be declining more rapidly than we would like.  Growing up in a not so idyllic childhood there has been estrangement and stress in all the relationships in my family.  When my mom moved to Kansas, our relationship for the first time improved and we became a bit more like friends.  Guaranteed the first move in Kansas she was a couple of hours away, but then there was another move and she was closer.  Only 30 minutes driving.  Not really sure exactly when things started showing up and realized something was wrong, but it was shortly after the last move.  Just bizarre things.  Things I let annoy me.  Eventually it was things I allowed to hurt me.  Now I look back and I see, I see oh so much clearer.  The energy I wasted being annoyed, the energy I wasted on frustration.  I kept voicing I was concerned.  Never could put a finger on it.  The changes they happen so gradually.  Excuses are made, slip ups laughed off until no longer you can remember life being different.  Then a photo album comes out and as I flip through the pages I remember a different time.  Something is wrong....

This past month though, with a kiddo in the hospital and a call that my Granny was declining and not doing well at all and I should visit as soon as I can.  Estrangement happening again with my Dad and my Mom not being the Mom I remembered, I crumbled.  Sometimes you just want your Mommy and her hugs.  You can't always have what you want.  I had to find what was enough.  So I have been quiet here, but not so quiet with my Heavenly Father.  Remembering to praise Him for who He is and in all the ways He loves me and shows me He is there, even when deep in my heart I just want to have a pity party.  Allowing Him to collect my tears.  Putting one foot in front of the other, although sometimes it is pretty sluggish.  Trying to push through the dark clouds and trust God is with me even in the storms and it is HARD.  Cause that is what it is about TRUST when times are HARD.  During the easy times building a foundation that can whether the storms of life no matter what they bring.  Something my Mom taught me just by living day after day with the Lord for almost as long as I can remember back to.....

Suprises, a double take and a double dose in learning about Compassion

We spent the day in the car again. 
A Thursday kind of day.
A late start in the morning, Awana the night before and it takes everyone a while to wind down and share their stories of the night.
Piano lessons and back and forth from home, because not everyone has to go.
In the back and forths, running Fun Girl to work.
Back home for a quick lunch.
Then to Bal-A-Vis-X.
Then to the grocery store to get the latest ad.
My day stops here.
I am lost in my own world as I sit in the car and wait for Hockey Player to run in, grab the ad and come back to me, stopped at the curb.  He comes to the door and says, someone fell. 
I quickly recall the vague thud I heard and start looking around.
A deep intake of my breath.
A "grandpa" is down  in the parking lot and 2 ladies were helping him.
I quickly put my hazard lights on, put the burb in park and tell the kids to stay.
I see the ladies are talking to him and I run inside to tell Customer Service someone has fallen.  They quickly send the managers out.
He is a little disoriented. His face is banged up and he is bleeding quite a bit from his scrapes.
He misjudged the curb/ground and face planted.
My heart was in my throat.
He just wanted to get in his car and drive home to the next block over where he lives in Assisted/Independent Living facility.
But he is so disoriented. 
Rides are offered. A chair is offered. Paper towels.  Someone got ice.
I ask him the name of where he lives.
Blessedness that it is, I am very familiar with his residence. I have family there. I quickly call.  They send over their Director of Nursing and instruct us to call an ambulance. 
The managers do that. 
I see he is being well cared for and try to gracefully exit.
I stop at the care facility to give them a first hand account for when he returns later on...as disoriented as he is he might not be able to tell them much.  Plus to let them know he has 2 bags of refrigerated items. 
All the while grateful he is well cared for and being watched out for. 
As I return my car, I hear one of children ask why I had to get out of the car and  help?
My eye brows shot up.
Because it was the right thing to do I am thinking.
I try to say because he needed help. 
But this kiddo, is grumpy.  Wanted to be at home.  So did I.  Just didn't get it.  Which for this kiddo when this stage of self centeredness has started it is really hard to refocus. 
I ask my children if they knew the story of the Good Samaritan. 
I was shocked when my younger two said no.
NO???
I gasped and did a double take. 
My brain went into over drive. How could that be? 
We read Bible stories.  We talk Bible stuff.  We memorize verses. We go to church.  They watch Bible videos.  How? But....?
I stop the bumbling around in my brain.
I share the story as I drive. 
I ask who was a good neighbor?  why? 
Now they all have heard the story and know.
But now, it is quiet and I can think.
It is just like I share at times with friends and my oldest. Just like I had shared that morning with a friend.  God doesn't always take us down the same path as the person next to us.  He has different lessons for us at different times. We don't learn his ways over night.  Sometimes there are even some slips and falls along the way, just like when a baby learns to walk and become a toddler.  Yes, my oldest were schooled in the story of the Good Samaritan.  Now so were my youngers.  My youngers on the other hand have been learning lessons that my olders are learning just now. 
Different people, different paths, different learning curves and lessons plans created by the Master Educator.  Patience and understanding and compassion for one another, for we don't know where the Lord has taken them, is taking them or will be taking them. 

Growing our Family

Lately, I have had baby longings.

Much to Daddy O's horror.

But I am quick to let him know it is okay.

'Cause I know I am healthier now than I was in the midst of having all my babies.

It has been 6 years since my last baby was born, almost 7 truth be told.

His birthday is in a month.

2 pregnancies literally had me at death's door.

One of which even had the doctor wondering if she would have to suggest the unthinkable.

Through it all, God was at work.

He preserved my life.

He preserved the life of my children. 

Some on earth and a couple in heaven.

Only my first was uneventful.

I loved being pregnant the first time round.

It was amazing.

Then the challenges happened.

With each challenge, a little bit more of my strength and health was lost.

I didn't know it at the time.

Too busy living life.

With each pregnancy came more fatigue and more complications.

Lots of non-stress tests.

Lots of being told to take it easy...

encouraging bed rest and trying to comply.

If I am in bed, can I still fold laundry.

And really what is so difficult about sorting laundry while in a chair.

The words I knew were coming...

I can try to get you through another pregnancy, but I don't know...

I will see you in 6 months and discuss your recovery....

(surgery was hanging over my head for repairs)

God was merciful and over that 6 months, my body healed well

and no surgery was needed.

 

I have been content.

I have been crazy busy raising children.

Relishing each minute and sometimes
impatiently waiting for some of the challenging stages to pass...

(potty training ~ tantrum throwing, you get the picture)

 

I have been content till late this summer.

I see the babies.

They are soo cute.
I just wanna snuggle and take a nap with one.

My time is done for now.

I am in NO HURRY to be a Grandma.

That day will come in its own time.

But as much I wanna hold one of those babies....
I love sleeping at night.

I love getting work done.

I love jumping and running out of the door.

With my last one in a car seat...

I see freedom a coming.

I really just wanna the snuggle and nap.

 

Then we got a mouse.

Not just any ordinary mouse.

The kind that joins you in the kitchen while you cook and runs across your feet.

The kind that thinks late night TV is an invitation to come check out your snacks.

This mouse is clever.

We have every kind of trap, obstacle course and means to make sure he meets his Almighty Creator.

AND yet, he still torments us with his cleverness.

Then he did the unthinkable.

He chewed up some cardboards and tossed it onto our new furniture.

Daddy O received the report.

 

I received the instructions.

Get a cat today!

I kind of missed the article "A" in the command.

But he should have known better to send me alone with 4 children to get

A cat.

Not gonna happen.

Not someone with baby goo goo eyes!

Now all of my children are sleeping, and I find

 

Oreo here

 

 

and Gibbs here with Fun Girl

 

 

It didn't take Oreo long to come find me at the computer.

She laid down on my mouse.

WRONG mouse kitty!

 

Being able to see and more.........

Hmmm, driving home from Jenks, Oklahoma, I discovered home much of a MidWest girl I am.

 

 I like the wide open spaces. I love seeing the horizon that includes land and sky.

 

Not much for a landscape that includes lots of brick buildings, sidewalks and being underground. I have visited those places and was struck by how obstructed my view of God's creation was by all that man made.

 Some call me a city girl, because I am not much of a fan of dust and dirt and I am allergic to most things that pollinate.

In my fairy tail world missing dirt, dust and spiders, I am a Country Girl.

I like the views.

I enjoy gazing upon God's nightly paintings I the sky.

 

  But

I realized on the same drive I am the girl that likes daylight.

I don't like to drive in the dark.

 I don't like not being able to see the horizon.

  I like to know what is ahead.

I can say the same thing about Life.

I don't like the feeling that I am driving off into oblivion.

I don't like suprises. I want to know what is going to happen.

It is hard to trust the road is going to be there especially when speeding down the road at highway speeds or that nothing will jump out in front me.

Sometimes it is hard to trust that God really knows what He is doing.

Sometimes it is hard to know what it is God would have me to do.

 I fret and worry and pray God will get me home in one piece.

 It has gotten a little easier over the years, but not much. I just don't like it.

I don't like not being able to see what it is ahead.

And Each and Every Time 

I arrive, it is with a sigh of relief and a readiness to rest.

And a gladness that I am Home

I think Heaven is going to be at least a little bit, just like that.  

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