Shopping with Grandmama!

Counting the joy still....
I love this photo from January.... Mom's eyes are smiling.  She has her Pepsi.  And she is in a store all at the same time.  Anyone who knows her, knows she hates to shop or go to the mall.  So standing in the mall with this beautiful smile and look of joy is the only indication of her memory slipping! 

1061.

 

1062.  Discovering the trick to shopping with Dad's Bud. Provide him with 3 way mirrors and he is entertained !  LOVE IT! 

 



1063.  Playing dress up and modeling for Grandmama..a  fun favorite!  Beautiful!

Counting...The Mom list continued (to 1060)

1043. Capturing grandchildren in film as they are
1044.  Holding Hockey Player in the NICU before anyone else
1045.  Worrying HOckey Player would receive enough touch and love while in the NICU
1046.  Praise music in the morning as she would get ready for work
1047.  Calling Little Princess her "China Doll"
1048.  Taking Fun Girl hiking and teaching her to think it through and come up with a way...to get on the otherside of a fallen tree.
1049.  Planning adventures with grandchildren
1050.  Acorn People
1051.  Pipe cleaner critters
1052.  Faces in the tree trunks
1053.  Talking tooth brush holders
1054.  Swim suit shopping for Hawaii
1055.  Demonstrating that learning never stops you can do it at any age
1056.  Life was never easy, but there was always good in it
1057.  Grandma and Papa stories on tapes
1058.  Not letting me mope and feel sorry for myself. 
1059.  Never too old to learn or try new things.
1060.  Life is an adventure...jump in with both feet and don't take yourself to serious.

Picking up where I left off....

I don't know where to begin.  One of the reasons why I have been silent.  I don't know even how to categorize all the feelings, thoughts and ramblings that occur in my mind.  I went to Colorado with my Mom and Henry.  My sister had done the initial nursing home hunt with her husband.  They narrowed down the options.  God went before us in all of this, making the process easier.  Easier because He narrowed the options down for us.  Easier because He made choice clear.  Easier because there wasn't a lot required of us.  The work in of itself was easy.  For that I am so very grateful and humbled that He made the work easy. 

Because the otherside of it was not and is not easy. 

Alzheimer's is not easy.  At any age it is not easy.  But at 64 years of age in a woman with the heart of a 20 year old (according to the doctors), it seems unreal and not fair.  I know, I know life is not fair.  In my household we have been dealing with dementia/Alzheimer's for awhile now.  There is humor to be found in the midst.  Joy that can be hung onto.  Dancing with Grandpa in a congo line while he does therapy.  Encouraging Great Granny to cooperate with the presence of great-grandchildren and brownies.  Watching movies and listening to stories....some so out there you know they are a tale as wild as can be imagined.  In the midst of it all, there is tenderness, love and compassion.  While we have traveled this road for several years, it has not been as shocking to our emotions and beings when we consider their age.  This path with my Mom is another altogether. 

I find myself needing to tell people she is ONLY 64.  She doesn't even quite fit in with the nursing home crowd.  She is too young.  Matter of fact, she sauntered off her "floor" in the first week, she followed someone out.  She had just had her hair done and was looking good and out she went and the alarms went off.  Oh my, I chuckled when I heard.  What else could I do?  Yes, she is a Great-Grandma, but she is young!  She walks me into the ground.  64!  That is 25 years from now for me.  My youngest kiddo would be 32. 

Her decline has been so rapid.  In some ways I think, wow! What a blessing....so as to not languish in this disease process.  While on the other hand, it is happening so quickly, I can't quite catch my breath.  I want to say stop! slow down!  Just a little bit more time.  Yet I know what is coming, I have watched this process for a while now.  I have talked with Hospice nurses, doctors, home health aides, etc. etc.  It is hard.  Beyond hard.

This past month I said Good-bye.  I have been grieving and struggling since summer.  But with moving Mom to Colorado to the nursing home, I knew in my heart it was good-bye.  I have locked in my heart each tender moment I could have with her.  Even curling up next to her laying my head on her shoulder while we watched a movie together. Doing my best to pack suprises for her and noting her joy upon discovering them.  Trying to include her in purchases for her new home and capturing her in hugs in Wal-Mart when she tried to "run away".  (btw Wal-mart is not the best place to take someone with Alzheimers.....can you say OVERWHELMING!).

I am ever so grateful for the past 5 years (I think) they have lived here in Kansas.   I moved to Kansas some 20+ years ago and am blessed to have had these past 5 years with my mom closer to me physically and relationally.  It breaks my heart to know this was good-bye.  I know there will be visits, but she will more than likely no longer know me.  The longer between visits, the less familiar a person is and her memories of me were already slipping.  I am already experiencing her absence...as I struggle with my health and major decisions, she was often the one I would turn to for prayers and support.  As her grandchildren struggled or were injured or sick, I would call for prayers.  When I found myself standing before a Goliath, she quietly stood/sat beside me and held my hand and I knew she was praying.  I  find myself hurting and struggling and I can't call my Mom anymore for her to join me in prayers.  We no longer are able to share verses being memorized and studied.   The tears come.  In the midst of the grief, I am grateful for this legacy.  I am grateful for the example she has set, the lessons she lived and taught, and for the example she is demonstrating as she clings to the habit of reading her Bible daily and listening to praise music... I just wish we had had more time.

Counting in 2013....the Mom list

So I haven't been posting at all like I would like.... I even compose lists as I fall asleep.  Sigh....
Here is some of what I have been counting this year.
1001.  Pinewood Derby Camp-ins... Hubby and Dad's Bud working on the car together.
1002.  Date night with hubby, even when I don't feel up to it 100%
1003.  Paydays
1004.  3 day weekends
1005.  Federal holidays...hubby is a federal employee = extra days off
1006.  Shopping for furniture with hubby
1007.  Cleared for Colorado

A list of moments with my Mom

1008.  Chin cupped in hands of my mom
1009.  Mom smoothing away my tears
1010.  Granddaughters faces cupped in grandmama's hands as she tells them they are beautiful
1011.  The struggle and fierceness to try and remember my name....when I tell her why I cry...she doesn't remember me...
1012.  Nodding her head when I help her by saying, "Heather"
1013.  For a moment, knowing my children by name
1014.  Swiping my Pepsi while I am driving by pouring it in her cup. 
1015.  Angry with me and leaves the house, yet she comes back and invites me on her walk.
1016.  A lifetime of nightly Bible reading continues in spite of Alzheimers
1017.  Knowing the great hymns and singing with music
1018.  Attending church, and praising God with abandon during the worship time
1019.  Packing her things and all the Bible notes found tucked in here and there
1020.  In some ways she was a minimalist, she didn't keep stuff to keep stuff, almost everything I touched of hers had significance and brought back a memory
1021.  Holding one another and crying together....brief moment of acknowledgement and grief over what was happening to her mind.
1022.  After meeting the nursing home staff and taking a tour, as we sat together and grieved, "You want to know what I think?  It is okay. It will take some getting used to."  A moment of acceptance, a moment with my Mom, the Mom I've known for all my years.
1023.  Watching Brave with Mom
1024.  Watching movies in general with Mom
1025.  Introducing Mom to the movie, "She's the Man"
1026.  Trading Mom a Pepsi for baby Joyness....So I could finally have a turn holding the baby.
1027.  Playing Mom's musical animals
1028.  Snuggling on the couch and resting my head on her shoulder for probably the last time
1029.  Listening to her remembering the hikes she took with my Hubby
1030.  Mom waking up early ready to go....frustrated that she has to wait on me yet again.
1031.  Tackle hugs in Walmart
1032.  The manners of my children....as they eat the offered cookie from Grandma.  The last cookies she will probably ever make.  They were BAD.  As in AWFUL.  I couldn't even finished it. (Grandpa sat on the couch watching, a little smirk on his face!)  Grandma was loving her cookie and couldn't eat it fast enough! Could have been a candid camera moment! 
1033.  The Grandpa figurine on the porch
1034.  Bright cheery floral bedding
1035.  Laughing together
1036.  Pressed Flowers
1037.  Finding a piece I cross-stitched and she kept it all these years
1038.  Flowers from my wedding that she kept all these years!
1039.  Finding her "lost" SS cards...no trips to the SS office required!
1040.  Grandma's goose and frog
1041.  Shiny gray hair
1042.  Chinese excercise balls for fingers

An update...

It is late...
My mind is a whirling.
Fun Girl, "don't want to be a pest...but you haven't updated your blog in a while."
Me, "I don't know what to write.  Life is tough right now.  I cry a lot"
I just viewed my last post posted.
It was the afternoon before the car accident.
Life was great that day.  Blogging and computer stuff done.  Kiddo at a Christmas party, looking to what all needed to be done for the holidays.  On our way to work Bingo to pay for Hockey Player's hockey and life came to a halting stop at the red light. 

We were stopped.  The kid admitted to being distracted.  He stopped only after crashing into us.  Things could have been so much worse.  That they weren't I am grateful.  I was stunned, dazed and, well, just going with the flow.  I didn't feel right but stayed quiet.  We went on to Bingo.  My leg went numb, got heavy and eventually I sat down and helped with paper work.  The next morning, I was dizzy and weak... Eventually I was in the ER.  A concussion. 

A week later in the ER again.  Post-concussive syndrome. 

It is not good to sit in the car sideways.  I was sitting at an angle so I could face Hubby while he drove and we talked.  Instead of a front to back concussion, I was hit from the side.  Bummer.  Brain doesn't like that too much.  I slept a lot for the 2 weeks after the accident.  There is a lot I don't remember from about Thanksgiving till now.  Pictures help.  Talking helps.  Sometimes looking at the calendar.  But for the most part, the memories are mostly gone.  But I know my kiddos have been gems.  They have loved on me and taken care of me. 

A week after the accident, the call came.  Granny was gone.  There was to be no services or viewing.  She was gone.  I slept a lot.  The kids and I still have yet to fully process she is gone.  It is just a big silence in our life.  None of us really know how to talk about it. 

In the meantime, my mom is declining in leaps.  Agitated and confused.  She doesn't always recognize us, or she does and doesn't know why we are familiar. The year ends and a new one begins.  We find ourselves saying good-bye and grieving.  Mom will be moving soon.  She wanders now and doesn't know us a good amount of the time.  They will move to Colorado, there are more siblings/kids there to help out and support.  More than just me.  Colorado is home to my parents.  Where they want to be.  I know with this move, we are saying good-bye.  Visits will be farther and fewer.  Her memories of us will slip faster with our absence.

And I sleep a lot.  I have aggravated my concussion a couple of times.  I can't be silly and shake my head at the kids.  It hurts.  Accupuncture helps a lot with the pain.  But it is not long lasting.  More follow up with the doctors to happen.  Hoping for the doctor okay to travel to Colorado with my mom.  There is a concern about the change in altitude and pressure on my brain.  I have an extra motivation in going...I want to see my preggy niece.  My first grand-neice on my side of the family.  I love being an auntie and look forward to changing my title to GREAT Aunt!  She is due soon.  I can't remember the due date.  If it wouldn't be too soon, it would be cool if she popped out to see me while in Colorado.  Wouldn't that be lovely....snuggles with a super sweet wee new born.  Ahhh!
I keep telling Hubby I need a baby girl of my own.  The kids think my concussion is even worse than the doctors have said.

School planning needs to be done.  Hoping between naps and appointments this week, I will accomplish this one GREAT BIG task. 

Bestest Ever Compliment I Ever Received

The scene:  Reading to Dad's Bud an excerpt from Alice in Wonderland.
The conflict:  Dad's Bud is fed up done with school and really doesn't want to listen.
He is trying, but finding it ever so difficult and is fidgeting up a storm trying to stay and obey.
We get to the conversation with the Caterpillar and I am doing the voices.
Dad's Bud smiles and interrupts.
"You sound just like Grandmama when she reads her stories!"
HUGE smile and a giggly thank you from this Momma.
A long lasting wish fulfilled.  My children would enjoy hearing me tell stories as much as we enjoy listening to Grandmama's and Papa's stories. 

Suprises from Grandmama and Papa

I received an email this past week from my Mom and Dad.  They wanted to know if we would be at the family reunion.  They had a surprise for Little Princess.

She was suprised.

 

Her first wheels

 

Grandmama's bike

She isn't riding anymore, so they thought of Little Princess!

Helping Papa put it back together.  They had to take the wheels off to get the bike in the trunk.

 

and finally testing out the wheels.... her legs are long enough!

 

 

 

Such a blessing to Little Princess.  She has outgrown her bike and well, we have been busy and not searched out a new bike for her. 

THANK YOU Grandmama and Papa!

It worked!

Grandma's Stories are on my IPOD! !
Takes 1 hour to put each cassette onto my computer.... 2 down, ? ? to go !
But they will be saved.
Can't wait to suprise the kids.
First Sleep!

So excited about Grandma's Stories!

There's been a lot of discussion over the last year or two among the children. Who gets the latest tape of Grandma's Stories first? The competition is great. During the fall and winter months, Grandma Stories are a bedtime ritual. They gotta have them on before the lights are out.
(sidenote: Grandma's Stories are recordings of Grandma Mac and sometimes Grandpa Mac reading books to the children.)
My two youngest guys share a room and they can never agree to what they will listen to at night. Grandma's Stories or Bible verses for Cubbies/Sparkies. Over the last 2-3 weeks I have been researching on how to transfer these recordings onto my computer and, then, eventually onto the ipods/mp3 players. If that could be done, then maybe MP3/Ipods would eliminate some of the competition/rivalry over who gets Grandma's Stories first. I declared Thanksgiving weekend as the time to attempt this project. My first attempt bombed! Not the right kind of cords. However, while waiting in line to pay at the Black Friday Sales, early in the morning, BODO discovered the cord I needed. He may have been sleepy to start with, but he did wake up in the hustle and bustle of deal finding. He did GOOD! The cord is just what we needed. And now I have Grandma's stories on my computer. They have even synced to my Itunes... Next to see if I can load onto my IPod!

For my Grandchildren

In my email inbox, I find this email with the above in the subject line.


The email reads,


"I still make snow angels"

My children are blessed with young at heart grandma, who won't stop enjoying life.

I am blessed with a mother who reminds me to take time to enjoy the simple pleasures of life.

Ross Castle ~ Killarney, Ireland

All I can say about this place, is this guy had one awesome view from his castle in every direction. Way back when, I would have wanted to be good friends with the owners! :)

Wicklow Mountains

Glendalough, translated means 'The glen and 2 lakes'
The fall colors were breathtaking. I was completely suprised by the beauty of all the colors. When I envision Ireland, I imagine emerald green. It is afterall the Emerald Isle. However, every where I looked there was beautiful color and vistas.
We stopped to visit the bell tower (or sometimes referred to as round tower) and the surrounding grounds.
The entrance to the grounds is a large archway. When entering to the right is a stone wall. Engraved in the stone is a cross. This cross was a symbol to all who entered that they were entering a place of sanctuary. This just caused such a stirring in my heart, that the image of the cross would announce you are entering a place of sanctuary.

Ireland ~ They are here!

This is a video of some random shots early in the trip!

Isn't it Great.....?

to have kids?
They are so helpful.
Here let me show you how to set up the dvd player?
Here let me show you how to do this on the computer?
Here let me show you how to assign ring tones to people in your cell phone?
This latest resulted in quite a bit of laughter today.
To which I responded to Fun Mom, I could do it if I had enough time to fiddle around it and when I do have the time to fiddle with it, all I need is the want to at that very moment.
So she is playing with ring tones...
She finds one and says "this is very annoying."
I quickly respond, "Put that one on home." Ahem, the kids.
It took a moment and she responded, "That might be a little rude."
I laugh hysterically in the car!!!
She continues to fiddle and play ring tones.
She plays one titled "Old Ring".
Guess who she assigned that one to?
Grandmama! WHAT!,
Fun Mom quickly tries to explain, "It is not that she is old. She is just older and is the closest to being old, so it would be a good choice." Oh how I laugh, cause I know Grandmama is going to find out. She reads my blog. Tomorrow she is suppose to take Fun Mom shopping. Shopping, so she won't have to wear a day-glo yellow jacket in Ireland. Guess what might happen after all.....

Love you Mom!
Have fun with this one.

It is Official ! !

The call came today.
I had to insist my mom come to town. She had a 4 o'clock appt. and was concerned there wasn't enough time. "It is 11:30 ! !" I told her.
"It is?" she asked.
hardy har har. I told her in my most grown up voice that she had to come to town or I would just not pick up her loot for her. That Dana was just too excited and she had to come.

She came !
We went to Emerald City. (yes, that is what the building is called)
Emerald City is host to a gym, swim pool, bowling alley, gift shop, and the travel agency on base.
So how appropiate is that? We go to Emerald City to pick up our tickets to go to the Emerald Isle.
We got loot. A carry on bag, luggage tags, documents holder, Ireland tour guide, a ponch (hmmmm, does it rain there?) :)
Our tickets are here....
We are ready to go ! ! ! !

Thanking God!

Thanking God this morning. My parents' home sold yesterday. In a market, where they expected to wait at least a year. They aren't even moved yet and it has sold!
What a wonderful gift from our heavenly Father this week, a great big answer to our prayers.
Thank you Lord!

My Mom (Grandma) is awesome part 2 ~

I was lamenting about how much my ear is going to be talked off starting Friday night and into the weekend. Chatterbox will be home wanting to share her trip highlights, and share again, and share again....
Grandma said, "Just have her call me and tell me all about it ! !"
So maybe I will only hear the same stories 3 times. You think?
Anyone else want their ears talked off? ? ?
Gotta love those chatterboxes!
It was quiet at my friend's house tonight. No dear daughter talking non-stop with us. We actually had comfortable silences between the two of us when we weren't yelling at kids and gabbing.

Grandma is my hero!

Grandma's (my mom) birthday is today.
She is 61.
She does not act 61, for which I am very thankful.
For her birthday (as of 830 am this morning). She had already been on her hike/walk, had a birthday cupcake or two (2 I am sure!), done all sorts of stuff. She proves you are never to old to learn something new.
She took up piano a few years ago.
Couple of years ago she started gardening. She dries her flowers now and makes cards for loved ones.
She has maintained her sense of humor. She has a tree in her yard now that has a face. For reals! Maybe she will email me a picture, so I can post it.
She likes to flip a coin and head off in an unknown direction for an adventure.
She does yoga, works out, lifts weights.
She DOES NOT garage sale though.
She reads stories onto tapes for her grandchildren and as a result she has been instrumental in their growing love of books.
This past year she started a book club, though I bet the club will consider screening anymore books she selects. Her latest was definitely a cruise into the different and a look into "not what we would normally read". Which is the point of the group...
She takes her granddaughters dress shopping and lets them try on as many dresses as they want. But they only get to choose 1!
She rescues her grandson from little brothers after he has had surgery to reconstruct his nose.
She reads the Chronicles of Narnia to her grandchildren whenever they are together, picking up where they left off each time.

She throws snowballs at her future (and now) Son-in-law (actually bombards him, hee hee)

She loves to make snow angels.

Believes, if you don't use it, you will lose it....so she tries to keep using..her mind and body.
This fall she will go with me and her grand-daughter to Ireland...
Why? Cause we can.
She won't kiss the Blarney Stone though.
She gives me hope there is a life after temper tantrums, mess making monsters, and 15loads of dirty laundry in 2 days time.
Most of all, she loves the Lord with all her heart, and wants others to see that in her being and her life.
She memorizes scripture and shares with her grandchildren what she is learning in God's word.

Happy Birthday Mom!