Forgiveness is immediate, Reconciliation takes time

I love studying God's Word and listening to what others are learning. (Hebrews 10:25) It proves over and over how active and living and applicable the Bible is today for every occasion.  (Acts 4:12)  Most recently, I listened to a lesson on Acts 9:23-31.  The discussion was about Barnabas.  In the journey of repentance and reconciliation it is important to have at least one Barnabas in your life.  Forgiveness is a given.  It is mandated by God.  However, reconciliation is not required.  Reconciliation it dependent on repentance and a process.  Repentance takes time, it means changing behavior and thought patterns.  That takes time and practice.  When serious offences have happened and trust is deeply broken, it takes time for healing to occur and for there to be enough evidence to prove a heart change has occurred.  A Barnabas can be helpful.  God demonstrates through Barnabas how important the role of (a) Barnabas is in the lives of believers.  God understands wounded hearts and mistrust.  So with some scholarly insight and history lessons, we learn 3 years have passed since Jesus revealed himself to Saul on the road to Damascus.  Saul now finds himself back in Jerusalem where he first persecuted the Christians without mercy.  They didn't trust him.  (verse 26-they were afraid of Saul)  So Barnabas spoke on his behalf.  Barnabas was able to "testify" on Saul's behalf.  Which led to these three key points on how to be a Barnabas:
1. Willing to listen to a person's story.  2.  Willing to check out their story (verify facts).  3.  Willing to trust God.
Being a Barnabas isn't easy.  It means giving time.  Time to listen.  Time to research.  Time to observe and see the changes in a life as a result of repentance.  It, also, means being willing to step up and speak on behalf of a person when it might be unpopular.  Done well, though, so much could possibly happen for building up the kingdom of God.  I can't help but remember the scripture that encourages being quick to listen and slow to speak.  In His time God reveals.
Just a huge encouragement to me these past weeks.  As I walk through a difficult season, and I know the things God whispers to my heart.  I know the Scriptures He leads me to.  He took all the pieces and wrapped the up and confirmed I was hearing Him teach my heart, through this person's words.
Forgiveness is required and needs to be immediate.  Reconciliation is a process and takes time.

Sparks-A-Rama and sweet conversations

This year, The Man begged and pleaded to do Sparks-A-Rama.  We were not sure what to do.  We knew DaddyO would not be available to take The Man.  Serious skepticism that I could handle the venture.  So The Man took it upon himself to come up with a solution.  He went to big sis, Fun Girl.

The Man:  How much do you make an hour? 
Fun Girl: answers...I don't remember the amount
The Man:  Will you take me to Sparks A Rama?  I will pay you lost wages. 
(Fun Girl life guards on Saturdays)

FG could not turn down such a sweet request.  She told him if we couldn't find a ride, she would take the day off.  Well the day came, I was doing better and there were people to help if needed.  So I took The Man.  I loved watching him every minute I was able.  His smile was infectious.  I didn't make it the whole time.  The noise and activity wore me down and I went to the car for the last 30 minutes or so.  It was so worth it. 
My favorite part of the day was when we were driving to Sparks-A-Rama.  He started talking to me about heaven.  He asked some questions. Then there were some more questions.  There in the parking lot we prayed together and he asked Jesus to be His Savior.  So, so, so, happy to have been with him that morning!!

Getting ready to enter the gym!

Lined up and waiting to start Sparky Crawl!

Grabbing the pin !

Bragging rights!

Dad's Bud "enjoyed" the privelege of riding in an ambulance again.

This time he did not net the teddy bears.

That seemed to be okay.

But he did get photos to show Dad.
Race car seatbelts to boot!

Amazing how much he perked up with some Oxygen

 

 

 

TIRED BOY!

 

He took a Pounding!

Daddy O came home Friday morning with a Suprise!

He received his official pounding !

Defined~ The guys all got to punch him in the arm where his new stripe will be attached!

 

This past spring he was promoted and received his new job duties.

However, with all things government and military.

There is paper work.

Sometimes the paper work gets misplaced.
Sometimes the paperwork needs to be redone.

But, alas, it is done.

Daddy O learned the news the day before when he looked at his future pay stub online.

Friday morning before his shift was over the Boss Man asked if he would like to do this thing?

Daddy O chose to not call us.

Chose not to have the formal ceremony.
So much time had passed.

So he came home with his suprise. 
GOOD MORNING Peeps!

 

 

Many things to post and share

But since I use this blog to help capture moments.  Store them away for another day when I am asked, "Do you remember..??" or just when I need to remember the good, the silly and the precious. 
Tonight, I just want to remember taking the kids to the Christian book store.  I don't do it often.  Shopping, aka browsing in my world, isn't easy with children in tow.  But tonight we were waiting and 1/2 hour to go till sis was done and ready to be picked up.  After explanations that this was a Bible study, Sunday School, Homeschool kind of store, we browsed.  Lots of treasures were found.  But as I perused the card section with one of the children, desperately hoping we could find the right card we came across a twirling tower.  Little business card sized sentiments written out and my dear son, who has been struggling something fierce, found one and asked my help with a word.  "God has a place for me in his heart."  He looked up at me as we walked and asked, "Does God have a place in his heart for me?"  Fighting tears with all my might, I reassured him that yes, God has a place in His heart for him.  He loves him very much and Jesus died for him too.  Right there in the middle of the store, God reminded this broken hearted momma, reassured a scared little boy that there was a place in  His heart just for us, warts and all.  We never found the card we started looking for, just this little 15 cent card that represented hope and love to my boy.  But it was the best 15 cents I ever spent cause he could always carry it with him and look at it whenever he needed to remember, there is a place in God's heart just for him. 
That would have been enough, but then we found the poster he asked for in therapy today, one that will help him in communication.  Then we found clear, blue overlays for one of the sisters.  The colored transparencies help filter light that interferes with her being able to see well when reading.  Her reading is greatly improved when using her transparencies.  Except, the ones she has are 8.5 x 11 and not convenient.  These were bookmark size!  Perfect for stowing in her bible, school books and as a book mark in her leisure reading books.  Her smile was from ear to ear! 
My couponing, frugal self was extremely blessed because all of it cost us not a penny.  I had a gift card in my wallet from several years back.  A service gift from church.  Tucked in my wallet, forgotten about until a month ago.  Cleaning out my wallet, I pulled all the forgotten gift cards and tucked them in the cup holder of the car.  A constant reminder that I have them.  Guess what?  I have now successfully managed to use all but a couple.  The couple I have left, I think are empty.  They are just waiting for me to double check at the store.  What a sweet hug ang kiss from my Heavenly Father tonight.

Waiting can be so rewarding

Two weeks ago, we welcomed this beauty to our home!  I am so excited.  When we bought our home 14.5 years ago, I knew this wall would be perfect for a piano.  Our baby was only 6 months old.  I didn't play piano, but the wall would be a perfect frame for a piano.  Fast forward a few years...Fun Mom takes violin lessons.  She really wants to take piano.  We buy a keyboard and get started on lessons for her, Hockey Player and Little Princess.  Then we inherit Grandmama's keyboard.  One upstairs, one downstairs and that helps with the competition for time to practice.  Few years later, Fun Mom really wants a piano.   I am overwhelmed by the idea.  How do we find one?  How do we know if it is any good and not beyond being able to tune?  How would we get it into our home?  So I casually look.  Grandpa D finds out and he starts casually keeping an eye out.  We have looked at a few over the years.  Then two weeks ago, our church has their annual garage sale.  Fun Mom loves the sound it makes.  It looks great.  Has a bench and is a price we can afford.  Amazing part is the guys at church volunteer to deliver it.  Hubby works nights.  We don't know anyone who would be able to help during the day.  They are all amazed I know exactly where I want it.  Hubby wants to know what other secrets I am keeping from him.  I have never told him how much I wanted a piano.  Why put a pressure on him for something the time wasn't right for? 
I am in awe of God's tender loving kindness to me and my family.  He has answered the longing of my heart.  Filled the empty spot in my home.  Answered the desires of my children.  Filled my home with music.  Not a day goes by that someone doesn't just sit down and start playing.  When they stop, someone else will drift in and start playing.  4 piano players in my home and we may be adding a fifth here in a year or so.  I am beyond blessed.

Oh, how HE loves me

I don't think I could ever say my life has been easy. There have been moments when God has blessed me with a season of calmness and peace. But there has been much drama in my life, childhood, adulthood, parenthood, the whole shebang. Through it all, I have had one constant request of the Lord, if this must be how it is, then please use it. Please don't let my tears and struggles be for nothing. May this time bless someone else. Don't get me wrong. I beg God for things to be different, I ponder what it might be like to have a boringly sedate and calm life. I kind of long for it at times. Yet, in all the craziness of this drama filled, rollercoast life of mine, I, also, experience God in ways I never could in a boring, sedate and calm life. I find myself tucking away these memories into my heart to ponder, cherish and cling to for the years to come. Some of these, I hold onto quietly, secretively, tucked deep into my heart. To share them, would reveal too much and possibly hurt one that I love. Others, I share quietly and then others I shout from the rooftops. Recently, God gave me a hug beyond anything I could imagine. A note of love for me to tuck deep into my heart and hold onto.

You see, I got a kiddo, well actually 5 of them. But this kiddo, some would say he has 'special needs'. He is absolutely brilliant. Far too brilliant for his age and he struggles socially. The memories of my childhood have come rushing back. I try to not share too much of his struggles. Labels, misconceptions, gossip, prejudice are all things that concern me. I want to protect him as much as I can from these.

For as long as I can remember, I have asked God for my life to be the one that breaks unhealthy cycles. I didn't know what that would end up looking like, nor how hard it would be to endure, I just didn't want things to continue as they were. As we were taking note of this kiddo's struggle, our life as we knew it was shattered, the pieces were like broken glass spread out on the ground. But God used this horror of horrors in our family, to introduce us to a wonderful team of people. With them we began to pick up the pieces. Funny thing is, you can't put glass back together again and have it look beautiful. It ends up cracked with little pieces missing. However, God creates beauty. That is what He has done and is doing with our broken pieces. I didn't want what I had before, He knew that. If someone asked me to describe what I want, I would not be able to. But God knows what I want. He even knows what it looks like. So the healing began, and then, we began to seek insight and help with this beloved child of ours. With the passing of weeks, the tears, the fears, and whys, God has continued to put back together the broken pieces. Not into what was there before, but into a beautiful work of art, a mosaic made out of the past but into something new and beautiful.

As with many works of art, the artist is never quite finished, there is always something. No difference here, at least for now. But every once in a while, the Artist lets you have a sneak peek. That is what happened a couple of weeks ago. God gave me a sneak peek, a truth I could hold onto, to ponder and cling to. This child of mine has a heart of gold, is challenging to parent, but has the sweetest, biggest heart. I have struggled this spring. Lots of invitations to travel and explore, but I would have to go alone with all the kids. We are still trying to get medicines fine tuned. Weather and schedule changes add other challenges. I confessed to our friend, Ms. Amy, I am scared to travel alone with the kids, all things considered. I know the kids want to, but I know how challenging it would be. She is sympathetic. She understands. She offers some encouragement. Then it is time to be one on one and so I leave. While I am alone, I remember the meaning of this child's name. Source of healing, a good steward of what God has given. I cling to these promises, because after all, I didn't choose his name. God impressed this name on my heart. I rest in my heavenly Father, enjoy a few peaceful " Just as quickly, they are there. A hug for me from my tender hearted child. Special words for me from Ms. Amy. Out of the blue, off topic, these words were said, "God made me special." "He loves me and lives in my heart." Nothing to do with the pictures being colored. Nothing to do with topics of school work and activities. Just a simple declaration.

My prayer is that he will know God's love. He will grow in stature and wisdom. He will trust the Lord and live a life that is for the Lord. That no matter what, he is special to God. God did not make a mistake when he made him, he is special and has a plan for him. And right now, God is using him to heal my heart and change the pieces of the past into a beautiful work of art.

A new month...

The month of February was a tough one. It may be shorter in days, but it seemed like the longest month of the year. I clung to the verses Romans 5:3-5
And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, nowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, becuase the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
I even whined about God training me for a marathon, even though I don't like to run. But you need perseverance to finish the race. Faith and character is defined by how you respond to trouble. Hope comes from the faith we have in God's loving plan for our lives and this time on earth is so short when compared to eternity.
I am grateful the month is over and a new one starting, however, I am grateful for all I learned and gained during this season of testing.
I am grateful:
*answers to prayers
*for a strong minded child who will submit to discipline even though it is uncomfortable
*for a diagnosis of bi-polar, we now know what we struggle against and can seek treatment accordingly
*for insurance
*for friends who have walked the path of aging parents and can suggest a rehab hospital when we have only minutes to decide
*that it was only a puppy that bit Flutter Nutter, I originally thought it was an adult dog
*we knew the owners and were able to get the dog's shot history
*for short but sweet visits with out of town brothers
*for a phone call from my brother to let me know he is okay. I haven't heard from in at least 3 years
*my brother telling me he is praying and talking to God
*for a husband who will intervene and shield me from neighborhood drama
*for clinicians who are able to offer valuable insight into the world of generic medications (a whole other post)
*for homeschooling and the flexibility it gives us to embrace tough times like these as a family
*beautiful mid~winter days at the park to soak in the sunshine and take mental health days
*a wonderful Sunday School class of ladies who understand the need to allow the tears to flow and let me because to do so at home, distresses the children too much
*google calendars and all I am learning in how to streamline things at home and reduce paper clutter
*technology in general, so helpful in maintaining lines of communication when life gets harried and scary hard
*a husband who will read a book I am reading when he would rather be doing something else
*a therapist who is just amazingly big hearted and encouraging, who finds such joy and positive qualities in my child
*a therapist who gives hope, hope that my child's future can be different than what I have seen in others
*family therapy
*blue skies and bright sunny days like today
*excitement and anticipation of a family trip to St. Louis for hockey and fun

Rejoicing !!

I have been sick and dragging for a week now. This morning I made myself get up. Along with getting up, I was online checking school closings. Not that school closings affect us. It is a balmy 65 degrees in our school today and we need not worry about wind chills or icy roads since we home school. But we do have outside activities that cancel based on the school districts around. Of course it is not just a quick check. 2 minutes ends up in 30 minutes and then an hour. Cleaning up email, cause I haven't read email in 2 days. Clicking onto facebook to get updates on the lives of those I love. One of those updates stirs my heart with such joy, I need to take a minute or two or three to share.
When I can't sleep I pray. Not feeling well much lately, my sleep has been affected at night most of the last week. I have prayed. The subject of many of these prayers have been a sweetheart of little girl named Bethany. Just over a year old. Just having learned to walk. After watching my 5 all go through the milestones, I can imagine her little toddler frankenstein walk and waddle. The joy on her face as she discovers all that she can get into. The stumbles and falls that come with this new ability. Then the heartbreak of seeing her momma's post. Sweet Bethany is in the Burn Center. Several phone calls crying with my friend, I have known since junior high. Knowing the agony of a mommma's broken heart and all I can do is cry with her. Wanting to swoop in and rescue them from it all and not being able to. There is only One who can do anything. He is with them all the time and I cry out to my Heavenly Father on their behalf. Sweet Bethany fell against the glass doors to their gas fireplace. Not into the flames, the glass door. She landed with her palms against the glass door. We know now, these glass doors can reach 250 degrees and hotter. A trip to the ER sends them to the Burn Center in another city. My friend is surrounded by pain and suffering. Her little princess is is agony, but she isn't the only one. Pain and tears like I cannot imagine from many more than just sweet Bethany, it is the burn center. I can only pray for comfort, peace and healing. Dressing changes, and more dressing changes. My friend learns how to change these dressings herself and they get to go home. Lots of back and forth to the burn center. Talk of surgery. Talk of skin grafts. More tears. More pain. More dressings. My friend sobs to me, "I just want my baby's hands back." How easily we take for granted that little chubby fist and its tight grip on our fingers. The joy of playing patty cake and clapping to music. The soft skin and feather touch as the little hand touches us. She may not have fingerprints. A little of humor as Bethany is still Bethany and proves she is still capable of getting into things. God's mercies are new every morning. And then, the dressings come off and no surgery, no skin grafts need to be done! What joy!! All I can say is praise God. Thank you God for healing her little hands. For sparing my friend the agony of her little princess going through surgeries and skin grafts. Lord, please be with the other little ones suffering in the burn unit. Comfort them. Heal them as well Lord.
In an effort to educate people about these fireplaces, my friend is joining with another of her friends, who is currently going through the same thing. They have started the Bethsiah Project. There is a link in the margin.

Remembering...

Couple years back (could be a few more, but it would take quite the effort to push through the cobwebs to remember exactly) I was trying to explain Veteran's Day to the kiddos. Part of our schooling. Part of just explaining why it was a holiday, banks were closed and Big-O-Daddy-O was off of work.

We were discussing what it meant to be a Veteran. Those who had gone before us and those still fighting today for the freedoms we so take for granted and enjoy. We got to talking and I realized there was another kind of veteran. The kind of warrior who fights, weeps and possibly bleeds as well for us on a daily basis. The kind of warrior who fights a battle that goes unnoticed mostly. These warriors fight for us in all kinds of situations and in all kinds of places but more often than not they do their fighting on their knees in the early hours of the morning, late at night, and they may even awaken in the middle of night or never sleep at all because they are praying. So as we wrote our thank yous to the veterans who fought for our country, I put pen to paper and wrote a few thank yous to the spiritual veterans in my life/family. There are two today that still stir my heart with immense gratitude and emotion when I think of them. Their bodies are failing them. Their memories may be failing them as well. Their faith still unwaivers. Their love for the Lord and others unwaivering. The legacy they have created and are still creating humbles me greatly. To my Great Aunt Dot (sometimes called Grandma Dot by my kiddos) and Great Uncle Paul, thank you for serving the True Commander and Chief and praying for all of us. As you pause to thank those who serve our country, take a moment to remember and thank the warriors who serve our King of Kings.

In All Things He Works Good....

I have lived a life that I could easily allow to overwhelm me. I could easily just give up and let the storms overwhelm me. Instead, I have entrusted my life to the One who created it, the One who knew me in my mother's womb, the One who knitted me together. It hasn't always been easy. I find myself often saying to my Lord, "Ok, just use this for Your glory Lord, just use it. It hurts and I don't like it, I wish it wasn't to be this way, please don't waste this hurt, use it for YOUR glory." Through the storms, I hope I have gained wisdom, the ability to extend grace and love. Human as I am, I do struggle with my flesh, but I do long for His good and perfect will and plan for my life.
In the midst of this last week, God has restored unto me what I thought the locusts had eaten and destroyed many years ago. My heart is full. About 20 years ago, there was a great divide in my family. One that left me feeling very alone, orphaned and lost. I felt there wasn't a one who would know if I went missing. Anger abounded, and I felt much of it focused on me. And I didn't know how to fix any of it. Through it all, my Lord knew me, He loved me, and He heard my cries. A couple of years into this season of seperation and anguish he restored unto me memories of happy and wonderful times, memories I had lost in all the pain. Memories, I cherished through the hard times because I knew it wasn't always this way. I knew God heard my cries, I knew his tender loving mercy in giving me back my good memories. In His time and mercy, he has healed the wounds and allowed for restoration over the years. It has been a gradual process. It has never been on my time table or my doing. Never has it occurred as I woul dhave planned it out. Funny how that works.
This past week, I have found myself thanking my Heavenly Father for how he has orchestrated this week. My sister was visiting with her children, when my father needed to be hospitalized. He was in really bad shape there for about 24 hours. Now, we are in the waiting period for his body to heal well enough for him to go home. The two of us, as sisters, were able to join together and take care of things. I wasn't alone in facing this storm of life this time. Not that I would ever have been, my Father is always there, but it is good to have a sister, it is good to have earthly family. God, afterall, put us in families for a reason.
During this time, I have had the opportunity to sit quietly with my dad and sister and visit. There was no way 8 children could join us in the hospital. So with God's arrangement of peace and no distractions from 8 charming children we found ourselves together. So in the midst of pain and suffering, there has been joy, peace and healing. Time to share and heal more than just a broken body. Time to heal a relationship with a grandmother, I have been unable to speak to for 20 years. Time to heal relationships between sisters and a dad. My heart is overwhelmed with the restoration of relationships I had long given up on ever having. Humbled that even though I had given up and lost hope that there would ever be reconciliation, my Heavenly Father IS and Forever WILL BE working all things together for His glory. In His time and my lifetime, I have experienced these reconciliations and my children, will know the ones I have loved throughout my life, for this I find myself in tears, grateful and feeling my humbled, blessed, loved and cared for.

AWANA Awards Night

This was the first year for us to have all 5 kiddos in AWANA. Fun Mom works independently on hers while she works as a LIT (Leader in Training) in the Cubbies.
Flutter Nutter has enjoyed having Fun Mom in class with him.
Who would have thought there would be a year when my oldest and youngest would be in Cubbies together!?!
It has been a great treat to see the circle being completed though.
We started out journey through AWANA when Fun Mom was 3. I was searching for a way to teach her scriptures. I didn't know how to break down the verses for her to memorize and to teach her. I didn't know which verses to start with. I cried out to God to teach me how to teach her. HE led us to AWANA. This past year, God has shown me, HE not only answered my prayer, but He is equipping my children with the knowledge and ability to pass on what they have learned.
This makes the following photo even more meaningful to me....
My mom stitched this years ago. Before there was ever four children. Before there was ever 3 children. Before there was 2. Over the years as we added children, I began to see the personalities of my children being reflected in the children she so lovingly stitched many years ago. Then when we had our fourth, I thought wow!! Then when we had our fifth, I was like it doesn't fit anymore. I worried and stewed something would go wrong. Then God spoke to my heart, the meaning was still there...God LOVES you....pass it on....
Grandma looked at this photo this past week, mentioned there was no room to add anymore children. I laughed and said it was okay. The meaning is still there. God is still answering my prayers and cries of my heart. He is teaching my children HIS WORD. HE is equipping them with the ability to teach others. I just keep saying THANK YOU LORD and praising Him for his faithfulness, mercy and love.
Now a video from this very memorable night. :)