Think... Another new thing in our house AND it is working in UnexpectedWays!!

I have heard this acronym over the years.  But several months ago, it was revisited in our house. 

Before that even happened, last summer became the summer of "stop and think." 

Kids were doing crazy, reckless things and oopsie daisies were happening and I thought I was going to go bald from pulling my hair out before I ever turned gray!

A kiddo, a dear sweet lady and I visited about this months ago...it was like aha light bulbs went off.  Life was good.  Then fast forward and some of my kids hit new stages in personalities, quirks and behaviors.  The kind that can blind side a mother and she has NO. IDEA. HOW. TO. RESPOND.  It is wrong, but how to explain it?  How to teach something different?  Some concepts are big and vague and hard to explain to kids.  Hard for adults to discuss, there is just a knowing. 

So visiting with this dear sweet lady and she remembers "THINK" from our months ago conversation.  HUGE LIGHT BULB moment.  LIFE. HAS. NOT. BEEN. THE. SAME. in a very good way. 

All the kids have been taught it.  When there is an annoyance, we just say "Think."  Sometimes, it is pretty easy to figure out, but other times it takes some thinking. 

Is it True? is pretty clear cut. 

Is it Helpful?  or sometimes Is it Honest?  There is a difference between True and Honest sometimes.

Is it Inspired? but that can be difficult for a kid to grasp the concept of so we added Is it Important? 

One of our issues is correcting a slip of the tongue..is it really important to address every little slip?  Does it derail the flow of things?  Which leads into...

Is it Necessary?  Maybe it is True, maybe at times it could be Helpful, and Important but is it Necessary?  In our case, sometimes it is a distraction, slows progress down, just don't need to go there right now.

Is it Kind?  How is it making the other person feel?  All those other questions come into play as well...distracting? slowing things down?  preventing things from happening?  Frustrating someone else while doing all the above? In this case, how can we do/say this and be kind?

Loving it !!! 

Only a few eye rolls have happened so far. 

Something new we are trying

I have a kiddo that desperately wants to earn money.  I struggle to think on the spot.  I struggle with consistency and memory issues.  For instance, how much was the job worth last time???

I, also, want balance.  There are different beliefs regarding kids and chores and allowances and do we pay them for chores?  Well, I haven't had a clear solution or hint of what to do in 18 years of parenting, that is till this weekend.  

The challenge?  Coming up with a solution that addresses the personality and heart issues and needs of multiple children in the home.  For instance, I have one or more that would be all over getting up in the morning and working for money.  Meanwhile, regular chores and school work wouldn't get done.  

So I finally had a "duh!" Light bulb moment. I posted rules for earning money.  I posted jobs available to be worked for money, and kept the amounts low and affordable for me.  I made sure there were jobs that would need to be done frequently.  I, also, put in a stipulation...An act of kindness stipulation.  For every job done to earn money, an "act of kindness" needed to be completed.  I want them to experience the balance of just doing because it is right and good.  What never fails to amaze me is the "blindness" to things on the floor or odd little tasks that need doing and NOONE. notices. them.  The glazed over zombie looks when I point them out just causes me to shake my head.  In the last few weeks, I have heard, "but you didn't asked me" or "you didn't tell me to" more times than I care to count.  Even once is one time too many considering the age of the culprits.  So I am hoping my plan will encourage initiative and thoughtfulness and a change in attitude.  I, also, left a post-it notepad nearby to jot down job ideas to stick to the posters.  The kids were quick to notice jobs not mentioned, cleaning the car and vacuuming the upstairs.  Post it notes have been added.  I, also, created a note for the Christmas nativity.  It needs to be put away with love and care, so it is stuck to the acts of kindness chart.  What isn't pictured are the cards with their names on them and their "assigned" chores, individual to them.  They each have a couple of jobs to do on a regular basis throughout the week.  I haven't decided how frequently I will swap those out, but for now, I am hoping this works.

A little funny tidbit to add.  My college student walked in while I was hard at work creating my posters.  She got super excited!  Couldn't wait to join in on this new endeavor.  Apparently I got a little distracted and my cent signs were switched to dollar signs... Cleaning the entryways was suddenly worth $75 each and the pantry was worth $50.  She was ready to get busy!   Eye rolling commenced and I quickly burst her bubble.  She made my point!  And I quickly fixed my mistakes.  Amounts may need to be tweaked, but I would rather increase rates and create cheering than decrease and experience mutiny.   

Before I could post this, we also encountered another heart issue.  There was an offense.  A big hurt.  It wasn't the kind of hurt that could be resolved by buying a replacement thing...no tangible restitution could be made.  Apologies were made.  Forgiveness given.  But how does one demonstrate regret and love??? I am not all about earning forgiveness and grace, but there are times when a personal effort can go a long way.  Since creating the assigned chores and the charts, an INSpired Idea hit me.  An "act of kindness" which I called an act of "redemption"/"repentance" could be done.  I suggested to the offender that since I had to take the sibling away from the house an act of kindness could be done by completing a chore that would become a hardship later in the day... leaving the house always means less time to do school and chores, especially when there is a desire for "free" time. Translation...less free time.  My kids don't think "free time" spent at doctors' and other appointments is all that much fun!  Go figure?? :)  Before I left I heard the "offender" declaring "I HAVE to do..."  I quickly responded with "No, you don't have to, you get to choose. This is something you get to choose to do to show love and repentance and kindness.  No one says you have to, it is your choice.  I think it is the right thing to do, but it was only a suggestion.  So only do it, because you choose to do it."  Out the door I went.  My heart soared much later, when I discovered the job done and nothing more was said.