Wrapping up Week Four...

So we have been back at school about a month now and it hits, the feelings of inadequacy. I don't know if we have made it further into this year than years past or if it is coming sooner than normal. But come it does. When life collides into the homeschooling/family schedule and routine. In years past, a new baby, a sick baby, a sick momma, an ailing grandma, a business trip that we jump in the car and tagalong, a toddler that so quickly grows into new abilities (the kind you can't ever take your eyes off and you feel like your job is clean up after a demolition ball), whatever it is, it happens. It feels like the schedule is thrown out the window. This time it is the hubby. What he did to his back, we have no idea. But he did it. I have been living like he is on a business trip now for 3 weeks. Coaxing myself along. Coaxing the children along. Routine has gone out the window this week cause Momma is tired. She sleeps through the alarms...believe me there are quite a few of them in the household. The noisiest being Flutter Nutter. She struggles to stay awake at 6:00 p.m. Pepsi is the kids' new friend. They ration it out to the Momma...too much makes a grumpy momma. Maybe that is what happened this morning/afternoon. I drank a whole one by 10 am.
The feelings of inadequacy take over along with the ifs. If the children would go to bed easier... if I hadn't overslept... if Flutter Nutter wasn't 4.... if you would only do what I said the first time.... Why can't I seem to conform these children into the perfect picture of homeschooling children? The kind who are awake early and cheerfully. The kind who sit quietly and still with ears and eyes open and mouths closed while the momma reads aloud. I have showed them the pictures. I have told them what I want them to do. I have the routine mapped out, charts, graphs, the whole nine yards. (Well not this year, so much...I kinda learned and gave up 99% of the whole chart/graph business). So why is it they are acting like normal children? Why is it they only have questions when the other 4 have questions or need me? It is like being a press conference and all the reporters are speaking at once asking their questions. Don't they realize mom ears really don't work that way? We HEAR things...but we don't make sense of cacophony. A friend once said being a mother is sometimes like being pecked to death by chickens. That sums up this week. Horrible picture isn't it. But just the incessant mom, mom,mom, no, mine, no this, that, leave me a lone..... moooooom, mom, MOM MOM MOM.
Children they are, chickens they aren't, that is a wonderful and beautiful thing. God humbles me and brings me to my knees, because I so want to model for them Jesus' love and grace.
Routines, shmutines, life happens.... He reminds me once again, my days are His days. Blessedly, my children are quick to forgive me when I lose it. They are quick to hug this momma who seems to not be able to hold it together when her routine is disrupted and she has forgotten WHO is in charge around here. My Heavenly Father reminds me plans are good, but He gets to reschedule them as He sees fit. He keeps me dependent on Him, less I get to full of myself, my routines and order. He afterall sees the BIG picture and knows the plans He has for us....

But I am ever so grateful He humored me for the first 3 weeks and let things go according to "plan". I do so like those harmonious, "perfect" homeschooling days. Off to go see what else needs to be conquered or restored after being destroyed and to hug my kiddos.