Sneaking out at Night!

Yup!  That is what I did.  Last Monday night after Hockey Player's Award Ceremony for hockey. We snuck out of town.  Why did we sneak out of town?

Maybe it was guilt?

Abandoning my Granny.  We are in the early stages of establishing in-home care for her.  What if things went wrong and I wasn't here to take care of her.  Leaving meant school would not get done.  Leaving met canceling activities.  Leaving meant not being at Awana Wed. night.  What if something happened with my father-in-law.  He is in hospice care.  My husband would not be going.  He would have to stay and work.  What if my dad ended up in the hospital again.

Maybe it was fear? 

 Fear that those around me would judge and criticize me for abandoning my "duties".  We canceled going on the hockey trip to St. Louis to instead do family things and I was leaving my husband behind.  Through in all of the guilt items into the fear items.  What if I wasn't here to pick up the pieces where Granny was concerned?  What if I wasn't here for....

Honestly, I don't know? 

But I have had a lot on my shoulders lately. I just couldn't bear to hear any criticism or negative feedback.   I had my husband's blessing.  The kids were excited.  I desperately needed to escape for a while.  My friend's husband was out of town.  Her schedule could be cleared. My schedule could be cleared.  There was a plan in place, that I didn't even have to make.  I just had to drive.
So drive I did. We stopped just outside KC for the night and the next morning we drove and drove.  All the way to Wisconsin.  I have never been to Wisconsin until then.  What a trip it was!
 Fun Girl, says she saw the Sparkle return to my eye.  I would imagine she is correct. 
I laughed like I haven't in a while.  My only "burden" was to have fun and have fun with my kids.  It had been a long time since I had done that.  I mean down right good fun.  I try to find the joy and something good in all that I do.  It is better to laugh than cry.  But there have been more than a few times lately, that I felt the laughter coming forth was more manic than joyful. 
Though I hope my children never sneak out at night without me, this is one clandestine trip I am ever grateful to have made.