I drank a Pepsi today. I couldn't take a nap. So now, I have caffeine coursing through my system. Fortunately, tomorrow I have my hubby to cover for me if I need a nap so I can go back to my non-Pepsi state.
One of my first goals when returning from Colorado was to kick the Pepsi. This past week I did it, but then I had a couple since then. But the caffeine headaches are gone. At least I think they were caffeine headaches. I did really well in Colorado. Really reduced the pop intake because I didn't want to struggle with dehydration in Colorado.
Since my return from Colorado, I have had a lot more trouble with my speech. I saw the doctor before I left and was referred to a neuro doc. I just never have been back to my old self since the car accident. Headaches, dizziness, numbness. My doctor started calling neuro docs and we were referred to a Neuropsychiatrist to assess me and my symptoms. I have more dramatic pauses to my speech and stuttering. I have to work for words and the more I think the more pronounced (pun intended) the speech issues get. Yes I meant to say the more I think. Thinking is hard exercise these days for this brain. It gets all fuzzy feeling and sometimes I think I feel it sweating a bit.
When all is calm and quiet, it is as if the accident never happened. Then I get busy around the house and talking to someone and it all changes. The more animated or tired I am, well I try to find a sense of humor. The word "who" gets me and, well, I pause and just "whoooo"t like an owl when I am with the kids. Laughing is better than crying. One of my clever witted children asked why I sounded like Porky the Pig. To which he got a look and no response. Of all things to compare the mother to, not the best choice.
My brain gets tired. I am told, that is, because it is trying to heal. There is some talk about permanent brain damage in the speech area. Surrounding parts of the brain may kick in to pick up the slack.
The whole thing is just a confusing mess of whats??? The timing of the concussion with stress, cold/flu viruses, sinus stuff has really muddied the waters. I have such a high tolerance for sinus and ear pain it has been hard to know if dizziness is related to sickness or concussion. So I just kept resting. But I was pressed to seek a doctor appointment when faced with the question of whether to fly or not this past trip to Colorado. There will be more testing coming up. Primarily for a baseline to monitor my brain's healing and for the future. It should, also, (I am hoping it will) give us some indicators as to what is going on with me and my brain. With my mom's early onset of Alzheimer's it will be good record to have for my own medical history.
For now, I wait...wait for appointments and rest. I need to have moderate stress and activity in my life to allow my brain to heal. The first 3 months are critical... well the first 2 months are done and gone. There was nothing we could have or probably would have done differently had we known...we were doing the best we could at the time. To second guess ourselves won't change anything. So now I rest in knowing our life has significantly changed in the last 2 months. My responsibility load has been lightened and God's timing has been in it all. He knows far more what each day and year will bring. While the process has not been an easy one, He knows.
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